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Tips to control my anger

I have almost no patients with my 5 year old son. He throws a fit about everything and when I ask him to do something he will stand there and stare at me. I am so unbelievably tired of it. Time outs dont work. Spanking doesnt work. I am at my wits end! I lose my patients very easily. I, well, spank him, yell at him and say hurtful things to him. I feel extremely bad. I hate hurting him. I need to know some ways to stop myself. Counting to 10 does not work. I cant take a time out by myself cuz he'll just be at the door screaming. How do I calm myself down? I am in desperate need of some help. I am in marriage counseling so I'll see if by chance she can help out with this too.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Have you considered anger management? My dad said they have wonderful ways to calm your anger down. My dad use to be abusive, took those classes and he never hit us again.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 10:09 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I have. I was going to talk to my counselor and see if she can give a recommendation. Thanks!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • OMG...this sounds exactly like me...I hate that I do those same things...I think we both need anger management classes. My 5 year old is such a smarty pants. If he is bad and I take a toy away he says things like Well I wanted to take a break from that toy anyway! It is such a challenge!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • I have locked all his toys up for a week. This is a first time for that so....no, I know it wont change anything. He'll just play with his sister's.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:15 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • You need to figure out a punishment and stick to it. Time outs are great, have him sit at a chair where there is no view of a tv, fun, etc and make him sit 5 minutes. If he repeats the offense, back to the chair. Other things are if taking away a toy doesn't work, if he deserves it being taken away put it where he can see it but not take it. Take it for a day or half of a day, maybe just an hour and then give it back./ But be aware, you put a kid on time out too long, they will forget why they are there, time out is only a minute per year of age. Same for the toy, if you keep it too long they will forget and not care anymore. So be tactical. Also losing control and hitting, to me, has nothing to do with a kids behavior. That's all internal. Work on some peaceful solutions. They will be hard but stick to them. And make sure you give yourself 30minutes of relax time a day.
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 10:32 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Thanks Domonique. He will not stay in time out. I make him got to his room and he crawls just right outside the door. If I dont notice, or act like I dont notice, he will inch out until he's back out with us. I have given back toys after not so long. Does nothing. I feel like I should take them away until he starts acting better. I mean, this is EVERYDAY after school lately. If I keep giving back his toys he'll just think, oh well I'll get it back anyway. UGH! And I don't know what those peaceful solutions are. Thats why I asked. Thanks for the help though.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:45 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • You know, I can understand why you're fed up. We all love our kids but they can drive us to drink! Or get really pissed off. Sounds like a big chunk of this is disciplining your son and getting control of him. Also sounds like some of the punishment is a game for him. This is gonna sound so stupid, but have you watched Super Nanny. I swear, I used some tips from her and flipped through her book at Barnes and Noble once. Like bringing the child kicking and screaming back in time out again and again if needs be, same for bed time. He needs to understand you're in charge (for his own well being). You might talk to the ped about handling him too and get a referral to a child therapist to get help with it. Also, I actually prayed to have my frustration and anger abate. After a while, it did. But I hear you. Hang in there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

  • Thank you. I have watched Super Nanny and I need her badly! We have tried putting him back in time out or his bed a millions times. Not trying it a million times....I mean actually putting him back a million times. He will not give up! We, me and his dad, always end up giving up, letting him win. I feel like I need that back up, that strength behind me to help. Not back up...wrong words....support. I feel bad when I get so angry at him because he has a bad temper now. I know it's my fault. He learns it from me. I figured if I can find another way to control my temper, he can too. He will learn it from me. Maybe just wishful thinking though. I'm gonna see if there is a counselor at school who can start helping him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:28 PM on Jan. 20, 2011

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