Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

I am afraid I am going to ruin everything ....

I was once married to a mean man, he was controlling and just treated me badly. Of course he wasnt like that until AFTER we got married. When I got pregnant with my second baby, he abonded us.... I moved in with my parents until we got on our feet and actually found out that he had moved to another state, and had gotten in a fight with another guy at a bar and was killed.

That was 3 years ago , and honestly I have had a great life since then . I am only 23 but I have my own buisness that lets me stay home and take care of my kids ( and I have a very good income), we have a new house and I have 2 vehicles... I also have alot of self confidence now ( before I had none at all ) ...

Last year I met a guy who turned out to be Prince Charming, perfect in every way ... he treats me amazing, he treats my kids amazing ... he is just wonderful !

I fell like I have a good sense of people now, I feel like I have learned from my past ... but I also think that is holding me back.

My boyfriend wants to move farther with our relationship, he wants to get married, he wants to live together , he wants to be a father to my kids ( he already acts like he is, he is even my daughters t-ball coach ) .

But a part of me is making myself hold back... It sounds great and exciting for him to actually live with us ( he stays everynight anyways) , and to get married and also the kids and I will not have to have the last name of my ex husband anymore either...

I am just afriad that as soon as we get married he will change... Right now he lets me be how I am , lets me do as I please, and treats me how I should be treated. He is my best friend and my love and I honestly cannot see life without him and I think that up until this point I just assumed that we would just stay how we are - "dating forever"..

He isnt pressuring me to make a desicion and I can understand his need to know and him wanting to make our future more "known" ... but I just do not know how to get over this fear that he will change as soon as we get married ... that is the only thing keeping me from our future...

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:59 PM on Jan. 20, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Well, you are gonna have to think about this. Sometimes we need to jump in, and live life instead of standing on the side lines wondering "what if". Life has no guarrantees for ANYTHING, and I know not everything turns out, but I couldn't stand to not try and wonder if it would have worked, or if I made a mistake.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:03 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I agree with Musicmom80!

    Answer by m-avi at 12:09 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • ok the guy your with is not your ex so dont comdem him for what your ex did it may be hard to belive but their are still a few good guys out their an you just might have you one i would say move forword a litttle an see how things go for their you cant live the rest of your life in fear of these things cause of what your ex did to you cause everytime you stop your self cause of what he did your still letting him have power of you live every day to the fullest an most what makes you the happiest in every way

    Answer by lovbingmommyof2 at 12:16 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • i agree with Musicmom, you can not paint everybody with the paint of your ex. Get over it, put it behind you, and move on and up with your life honey. How does prince charming treat his mother? How does his dad treat his mother? Just as daughters become their mothers, I feel that son's usually ,mimic their dads. Research this, and when you find that his mother is happy, and his dad is loving-go for it!

    Answer by MamaAlice54 at 12:17 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • although i agree with the advice from the other ladies it depends on how long you have known your boyfriend. if you have known him for a year or more i would probably say for sure go for it but if it has only been months you should give it some more time. give the relationship time so you can see all of him unravel before your eyes. the thing is we sometimes get blinded by how sweet and smooth things are going because the relationship is still new and in the "honey moon" phase (i am not saying that's your situation). the thing is when children are involved it is a different ball game. i get the feeling that you are asking because you are not sure... you and only you will feel in your heart when the time is right. gl

    Answer by gwen20 at 2:22 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I had been told that if u fell off the "horse, u get right back on it" I agree with what they're saying, just take in a deep breath and for better or worse, take a chance.

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:26 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I think that you should talk to him about it, maybe he caould assure you of some things, plus he will understand the way that you feel

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:21 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • After i wrote this, I thought long and hard and realized I was just being silly ... I still have a little fear but I know I will hurt alot more if I lose him. I am also planning on doing a prenup and stuff so if i do need to, it will be easier to get out ....

    I told him that we can start planning a wedding for next Autumn ! ...

    Also, I wanted to add... we have been together for about a year... but we knew each other before that. Our families are close and his mom and my grandma actually tried to set us up right before I met my ex husband ( but I was only 17 and he was in his 20s so my dad wouldnt let me go on a date with him ) .... But we still talked alot... He is in the Air Force and was deployed for awhile... When he came back last year our families tried to set us up again and this time we finally did go on that date and have been together every day since.

    His dad treats his mom very well too, for 34 years!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:48 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.