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Venting and sad

I'm asking this anon, simply because I'm a little embarrassed. My DH is always letting me know just how educated he is, and just how uneducated I am. I finished HS. He has been to collage and knows quite a bit in the medical field. He is always telling me, its ok that you don't know anything. I still love you. Then he adds , go back to school. You won't be so unstable. I agree , I should go back to school, but he is always putting me down. He even brought an old love letter out , where I had misspelled a word. I 'm starting to feel uncomfortable around him. He will be watching the History channel, and I will ask, what are you watching, and he will add, nothing you would be interested in "or" were ever taught. Why does he do this to me? If I'm so stupid why doesn't he leave me for someone who can match wits with him?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:28 AM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • First, I would go to this web page  and read it.  It's a list of some VERY famous and VERY successful and VERY smart people who - gasp - shock - did NOT graduate from college and, in many cases, didn't attend at all.  It's by no  means a full and complete list, but still, it's got some names on there that might surprise you :-)  Then I would read this article.  It talks about the 2 MILLION college graduates last year that were unemployed and fighting for jobs like busboy, pizza delivery guy, etc.

    Then, after you read them,

    cont

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:06 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • cont

    Then, after you read them, if I were you, I would share this info with him - pointing out that a college education is not the end all, be all of what makes a person "have value" - whether you mean it as a judge of intelligence (which, if he was so smart, he wouldn't need this pointed out), or financial, as the two links show (and I'm assuming your bf isn't as well off as the people on the first list), or whether you are judging their basic level of class - which, again, he fails, because a truly classy person wouldn't need to constantly belittle someone they claim to love. (This is the type of man that will have you help support him until he's established, then dump you for a 'trophy wife" that's more in keeping with his "status" - run now!!!)

    I would then tell him that, since you're so stupid, you can't seem to figure out while you're still with him, so the relationship is over. You deserve respect!

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:10 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Just because hes intelligence, doesn't mean he has any common sense. " If I'm so stupid why doesn't he leave me for someone who can match wits with him?"
    Your SO likes to think hes superior, and it makes feel important, and he probably does have a low self-esteem himself. So being with you makes him feel smart and feels better about himself.. But when hes in the medical field, hes around people who do know more then him, and is probably real insecure about that.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 1:59 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • ha ha...he sounds like my ex hubby. my ex would have a great time putting me down (we had the same education levels but his iq was over 160 and he thought that this made him better than anyone else) and repeating such gems as 'most people only have iqs that are just high enough for them to successfully tie their own laces. average people shouldn't breed!" and laugh. well, mr genius went on to take drugs, drink and beat me. when i left him after he sent me to the hospital, he refused to visit his children, took to drugs and alcohol and estranging his every friend and family member until only one friend will still talk to and visit him. he also looks 20 years older than he is, is often homeless, can't keep a job, and lost all his teeth. last laugh is on that particular genius! he sucks as a human being and the only child out of 3 who will still communicate with him has to buy his groceries. LOSER!!!!!!!! lol
    ruejacobs

    Answer by ruejacobs at 2:13 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • You are not stupid! Sounds to me like he has a confidence problem or this is a way to make sure you won't leave him as he feels he can keep you by making you feel like you are not good enough for anybody else and making you have low self esteem. I would risk and let him know how you feel when he talks to you the way he does and ask him if he loves you why does he do that. After listening, to his reply, also tell him if he loves you then he will stop talking to you the way he does since now he knows how it makes you feel. If he continues, you need to think about if you really need to be in the relationship as it could be mentally unhealthy for you. You are not stupid, find something you like to do and go for it, more education if you want to do something that takes a degree, or learn a hobby and focus on the hobby. But do what makes you happy and always look for ways to self improve yourself, start by taking baby steps.
    1coffeeplease

    Answer by 1coffeeplease at 3:13 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • wow he sounds narcissistic ! he is so very rude. i would leave if i was in this situation. what he is doing is very abusive emotionally and he is messing with your self esteem. sometimes emotional abuse hurts just as bad and even worst than physical abuse. if you are in a relationship and your spouse does not make you feel better about yourself or he/she deliberately goes out of their way to make u feel like crap.. move on. life is too short to be treated like this. gl
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 1:37 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • While it's a popular trope (rule one of appearing to be intelligent: use big, unusual or specialized words ) is the idea that attending (and even passing) college, university, even doctoral studies makes people smarter.

    I do love to point out: you're as smart as you are. So is he (and in a sec I'll explain why that's funny).

    You have hung your self-esteem on the wrong hook, and if you feel like you don't know as much as you do, seek out the subjects and things you're interested or curious about. Libraries are fantastic 'cause you can end up much more knowledgeable than people who work in the field...for free. Fix it, I mean.

    Now, the fun part: I've known idiotic doctors, stupid (and incompetent) lawyers, university professors, and we all know dense and ignorant politicians. Stupid knows no boundaries.

    Your charming dude, there, is insecure about his intelligence. Probably because you intimidate him
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:42 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • sorry - thought it was a boyfriend - missed it was your husband.

    I still stick with most of my advice - but since you are already married to him, I would give him the option of showing how much respect he has for an educated person by going with you to see a marriage counselor, so that he/she can help you all work out why your dh feels that it's ok to put you down (this is a form of emotional abuse, btw...). If he's not willing to go work on it, then I would put him to the curb!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:13 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Don't allow yourself to be treated this way. He is very insecure and has to beat you down to make himself feel better. Reconsider if you should be with him.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:30 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Wow, sorry, sounds like your man is a real tool.
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:17 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

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