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4 Bumps

Should I give up my first choice of a name just because of the father?

I have two daughters; since I was little I always pictured myself having a son - mostly because I tended to have more friends that were boys and I was closer in age to my male cousins so boys are what I was use to. I'm currently pregnant with my baby boy! I picked out the name Nicolas when I was 12 or 13 years old (I'm 24 now), the father and I have not been together since before I found out I was pregnant - he dumped me because he "re-developed" feelings for his ex and ended our brief relationship even though she didn't want him (and she shot him down) so he completely shattered my ego and the rejection still stings especially knowing he'll now be tied to me through our son. The problem is he already has a son named Nikolas, and I understand the issues that may arise by having two sons with the same name but I finally have my baby boy and I may not have another chance to have another baby and there's no gaurantee that even if I have more kids that I'll have another son. So I'm torn between reason (knowing why he doesn't want both his sons to have the same name) and having to give up a name I've been set on for over 11 years. I know the right thing to do should be to go with another name but I'm in a petty mood and just wants to say screw him and name my son whatever I want. I'm so irritated that I know for the sake of the boys I'll have to choose another name.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:24 AM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Baby Names

Answers (27)
  • I guess it depend's on the relationship between you and him. Does he plan to be a part of this baby boys life? Is the other brother going to be a part of it? Generally, I am snarky and say your baby, your choice. But if it is bugging you to this extent then maybe give him the middle name Nicolas. :-) gl mama
    luv.my.kids.365

    Answer by luv.my.kids.365 at 2:28 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Thats a tough one. I'll bump you, because I don't really know how to respond to that, would it maybe be an option to use it as his middle name, or if the other son goes by Nick your son could be strictly Nicolas I don't know. Here's to hoping you get it figured out!
    Heatherdm45

    Answer by Heatherdm45 at 2:29 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • i would tell u that i would name my son the name that u have choosen bc of what i got from u was that he has already did not care enough not to hurt your feelings by doing what he did so who is to say that he will not do the same again so i would be happy for me and my son and name him what i have always wanted to name him
    stromy147

    Answer by stromy147 at 2:29 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Honey, you need to figure out a few things: 1) do you want his father in his life? 2) do you want him to know his brother? 3) you spelled thier names differently, so one will be Nik & your lil boy will be Nick. If he really wants to be an ass & decide he doesnt want to be in your sons life, then go right on ahead & name your baby what your heart desires! I hate to be so blunt & rude, but my heart goes out to you. DH & I are going to ttc in late march & I KNOW we're going to be @ odds with boys names too!!! Wishing you the best of luck in your situation,
    -Babz
    Barb87

    Answer by Barb87 at 2:33 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I'd use the name YOU want to use, because I didn't do that with my daughter and I regret it. He didn;t like the name I picked out, so I used the only name we semi-agreed on. Remember you can't do a name change down the road unless he agrees to it, and chances are he wont. Now is your time to make the decision...

    GL
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 2:33 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I don't know.....despite the fact that the father is a butthead.........they will be brothers. I think using it as a middle name would be best. I love love love the name Jonah....Jonah Nikolas is beautiful. He can still have the name you treasure without making him and his brother feel strange. Consider making it a middle name....both boys will appreciate it.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 2:34 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I guess I just don't see it as that weird. Not any more odd and weird than father and son having the same name IMO. Or twins having very similar names. If the two will be around each other, nick names will be made. One can be Nik and the other Niko... Whatever. It'll fall into place. They aren't whole brothers so I just see it as no problemo.
    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 2:36 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I understand that this name is important to you, and that the father is not (because of his choices - not defending him). But, the thing is, your son is going to have to live with the name. How would you feel if, growing up, you knew (or ever found out - and this sort of thing does get found out...) that you had an older sister who had the same name that you do? That, from the beginning, your mom didn't think your dad was going to want to be with you, so she named you after your sister because she thought you would have so little contact with them that it wouldn't matter? Even if that is the relationship - that your mom had so little hope from the beginning that it would be different? Not to mention the headache legally for your ds later of having a sibling with the same name..

    I know you love the name (it's a good name), and I know you're hurt (understandably) but I would think of the baby, and pick a new name.

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:37 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • He claims he's going to be in this baby's life as much as he is in his other son's life; he's a good father so I do believe him. The only thing that makes me think about not using the name Nicolas is that depending on what I agree to for visitation my son will be spending a good amount of time with his older brother and I don't want it to be weird for him to have a baby brother with the same name.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:39 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • If he's going to be in the baby's life, and if he's going to be around his brother, then, for the sake of your son and of his brother, I would pick a new name. You want his name to be HIS - not a name that was his brothers first, then he got, too....

    And I have to say, I disagree, I don't think it's the same as a child sharing a name with a parent. In that case, you're named after someone. (my ds's first name is my bil - with his permission, and his middle name is my brother's name - lol - not his permission, as my brother was 4 at the time... but it was a middle name...) Unless you want people to think you named your son after his older brother, I wouldn't do it.

    As I said, I know you're upset now, but do you want to punish your ds, and make things weird for him his whole life, all because his father is an ass?

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:45 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

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