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2 Bumps

Him or us?

So in the past my mom and dad had taken her brother in to help in get on his feet. The only problem was that instead of trying to better his life, he just took advantage. He live with my parents for 5 years and it got to the point that they had to kick him out. 8 years later he is back asking to stay with us again. I live with my parents and I am so angry that theyare allowing him to stay here again. He has no respect for them at all and he doesnt even work or want to work, all he does is take advantage of my parents help. Me and my parents live in a two bedroom apartment with my two kids and he stinks and is dirty as hell. He should not be living here. He is a grown a** man, that can take care of himself. I dont care if he doesnt have no where to go, he can rent a hotel room. he had so many years to get on his feet but he chose not to so its his fault he is in this situation. I told my mom that she has a decision, its either her brother or me and the kids and apparantly she chose her brother whose is f*ckin 52 years old. What do you think, am I wrong? He is taking food outta my kids mouth, money outta my pocket, and destructing my furniture that I purchased. My parents are already takin in my fathers mother who is ill and is trying to buy a house so she could have her own room and now they have to deal with him. I cant deal with him living here..I cannot..I can see if he was trying but he is not. He has depended on others all his life to take care of him and I am not going to sit around while he makes my life and my parent life difficult. Its not fair!! So now I have to figure out where to live because I am not going to deal with this. What would you do?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:49 AM on Jan. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (7)
  • And why are you living with your parents? I'm just wondering.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:10 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • You did not say how old you are, I would find a place I could afford and move out and be supportive to my parents from a distance. Sometimes it is hard for a parent to kick an adult child out as they feel if they do and something bad happens to him they will feel guilty and never forgive theirself. But believe me one day, probably sooner than you expect, they will probably kick him out. You can believe that they are unhappy with the situation with him also.
    1coffeeplease

    Answer by 1coffeeplease at 3:20 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I cant afford to move out. I work but I dont make enough, I go to school fulltime and I have two kids. I help with expenses in my parents home but I am not going to be supporting him while he sits around and does nothing. There's no room for him.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:21 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • angryno u are not wrong for feeling this way. he is deadwood because he is not contributing to the household but he eats what you bring to the table for your kids. i see why it is frustrating. unfortunately you will have to try make some type of living arrangement because it is your mother's house and by the looks of it, she will not put uncle ambitious out. both your parents are enablers. i am the type of person to hold on to a grudge (not good) but i would look at my parents a little bit differently. you are at least making an effort to better your life and the life of their grandkids so they SHOULD give you support by any means necessary even though that means putting uncle ambitious out. gl

    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 4:37 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • It sounds like you and your kids would be better off if you moved out.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:29 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • sounds like ur parents are very loving people that are totally devoted to family. they were raised on the principles that "family will/should love you & be there 4 u forever" & the adage, "u can pic ur friends but not ur family." with this in mind, they would rather go hungry or homeless themselves, than to SEE/HAVE 1 of their loved ones go through that. it is the "duty to family" principle. i know bc I was raised the same as them. it is harder to live with this ground love/principle than most can understand, these days. it can be heart-wrenching & frustrating but it is grounded deep in their hearts & minds. it is who they are & as strong as the beat of their hearts. so please don't be 2 condemning of them!!!!! instead, please give them ur love & support. to do otherwise, will just hurt/frustrate them more. i know it is hard & frustrating for u 2, but u have to understand that their love & devotion 4 ALL of u is equal
    ThankfullyProud

    Answer by ThankfullyProud at 8:35 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • continued..Some feel that this is an "enabling" personality & 2 but there r 2 sides to every coin. yes, they leave themselves open to hurt but, i, would rather be eaten by wolves bc i threw myself in front of my family so that the wolves would not eat THEM. the fact that there r family members that take it for granted, hurts & is totally wrong, but that is on them--it isn't that THEY r guilty of enabling anything accept to be cruely used. have they not shown u, ur children & their parents the same love and duty? what is not fair is they have had to overextend themselves & r being taken advantage of. as for u & ur brother, u both could recipricate by valuing this huge gift u've both been given 2 reward ur parents by proving u can make them proud of their hard works & selflessness by being independant, respectful & grateful.
    ThankfullyProud

    Answer by ThankfullyProud at 8:56 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

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