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2 Bumps

im just going to let it out...i think i have a jealousy problem...

every time my husband looks at other woman or talks to another woman i'm thinking in my head "he likes her" and i get all paranoid that hes going to go cheat..even when we watching tv and pretty girls come out i get all insecure and jealous i think i'm getting hem frustrated and tired of the same thing but i don't no what to do..this started when he completely broke our trust with things he did in the pass and since then i become a different person i wasn't like this before..maybe because i'm young (21) and very insecure about myself with very low-stem and not mature enough i guess... plz any advise it would really help thanks

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 AM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I have felt these exact same things for years!  Okay, lets start with what your husband did to break your trust.  If you didn't start having these thoughts and feelings until after he broke that trust, then in my opinion you need to deal with what happened.  Dealing with it and moving on are 2 different things.  Deal with the feelings that go a long with having your trust broken.  As far as him getting frustrated, too bad.  These are the consequences when you break someones trust.  Should he have to pay for it forever?  No.  What I did was have a sit down with my hub and I told him that it angered me when he looked or talked to other women and yes, I too got pissed off if he was looking at a chick on television.  All of these things stem from something else. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 6:19 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • What we did is out of respect for my feelings, we monitored what we watched on television.  We had a code word if a chick came onscreen and I got upset.  He'd change the channel.  He didn't look at other females, only spoke if it was neccessary.  After awhile of me being completely honest with him and him basically putting me in a "cocoon", I stopped feeling this way.  I can't really explain the change.  It just happened.  All of a sudden he could leave the house without me freaking out.  We didn't have to monitor what we watched on television so closely.  Now, it's a thing of the past. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 6:22 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Did you get burned in the past?

    Was he the cause? If not, then back off him, its not his fault if some other guy hurt you.

    Men will look...I promise you...even if covertly and discreetly, they will look or at least be thinking things. There's no control of hormones. There's no switch to click them off with. We're all human and it would be impossible to not notice something attractive on occasion, as long as we never act on it is whats important.

    TV girls are NO THREAT. Its on TV.

    When he's out in public or work, he's going to have to have occasional contact with females once in awhile, that's just part of life and something you're going to need to deal with. Therapy can help you with that.

    I've dealt with insecurity before too, and I promise you its a dead end road thats going to leave you in a ruined marriage if you don't reign it in a bit and give the guy some slack. Good luck :-
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:48 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I totally feel where u coming from, i'm 22 and im with a 27yr old. he was my first and we have a 1yr old together. He cheated on me, only way i found out is i went through his phone. Every since then im always suspicious of who he talks with or who hes texting. I have become very jealous and insecure., I wasnt like this until he cheated. I feel you should just sit down with him and let him know how you feel.
    d22yvonne

    Answer by d22yvonne at 6:49 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • also, do not attempt to control him or what he looks at, because all that does is create resentment and some rebellious behavior. What you'll get is the exact opposite of what you want: a sneaky, secretive person that learns how to get away with looking or sneaking a glance when you're not looking or not around and also learns how to cover his tracks knowing you'll probably be monitoring him like some supervisor watches an employee. Not saying you do that, but it can and will happen in many cases.

    The tighter your grip, the more likely he'll slip thru your fingers. If he's doing something you don't like, talk to him, but do not be his mother and tell him what he can and can't do. He's an adult, treat him with respect and I promise you'll get respect back.

    And don't fret about things you can't control. That's pointless. If he's away from you, don't worry about what he may or may not be doing. Thats only going to drive ya nuts
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 6:51 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I read somewhere that a relationship is like sand, the tighter you hold on the more that it slips away from you. Hold it loosely and it stays around. I too tend to be insecure. So I do know how you feel. But I try to view my DH looking at others in amusement and remind myself not to compare myself to others. (He still trys not to out of respect for me). It is just a man trait to like to look, though. I've read books about male behavior and they all say that men are visual, its all left over from the hunter gather days. Us women don't get it because we don't have a male brain attached to us. Give him some slack and try to work on your self esteem. Try to see him in a new light. Not as a man looking for a new mate but as a man whom is doing normal male things and just appreciates women, including you.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:39 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

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