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3 Bumps

Am i wrong for going through my mans phone since he cheated on me?

IM with a 27yr old and im 22. I gave him my virginity and we have a 1yr old son. I was head over heals for him, and i thought he was too. we moved in together jan 15 2010. One night he came home drunk an something told me to look at his phone. I find out hes sleeping with his coworker and instead of coming from his homeboys house he came from her house. Well we cried and he professed his love to me told me he loved me she was nothing.I forgave him. I just bought a new car, just checked his phone and found out instead of being at his mans house he was over another coworker house who has been trying to get with him as well. How many times should i forgive him? I feel like im going nuts. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
d22yvonne

Asked by d22yvonne at 6:58 AM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (16 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I guess not, but he's the knucklehead for not knowing enough to cover his tracks and delete historys or get another phone you don't know about to be able to track it. I say if he's gonna leave you a trail of breadcrumbs, you may as well follow em. Sorry that's happened to ya.
    Zoeyis

    Answer by Zoeyis at 7:00 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • No one can actually tell you what to do.  You have to do what's right for you.  Do you want to keep going thru this?  Obviously he didn't learn the 1st time so now it's up to you to figure out what you can and can't deal with. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 7:01 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Hell naw! He was in the wrong and you needed and got the proof! To the left to the left!
    tinamarie1972

    Answer by tinamarie1972 at 7:06 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • no, i go thru my hubby's phone all the time and always check to make sure when he tells me something that he is telling me the truth. but he once almost cheated on me so ......... he deserves it
    mistik75

    Answer by mistik75 at 7:22 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • @mistik... if my DH knew I was "checking on him", he'd probly stop using his phone. People don't like to be treated like that. In fact, he'd probably start using the phone at work or buy those disposable phone you can get with X minutes on them for like $10 are totally untraceable. No, I'm not his mother or his boss. He's an adult and if I had reason to think he was cheating I'd talk to him about it. No games.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I didn't like my ex boyfriend going through my phone after I went to sleep at night. I wasn't doing anything, but he was checking on me to be sure and when he told me, I thought that was really shitty of him. We didn't last much longer after that!

    In your case, I'd say that even though he cried and professed his love for you, he realized that he disrespected you and you forgave him quickly so he thinks he can do it again and you'll take him back. You are setting a precedent of accepting his behavior - or you can change that and choose NOT to. But that's your decision to figure out which decision is best for you and what you will tolerate and can live with.

    I don't think you were wrong to go through his phone since he gave you a reason to doubt him, but if you don't trust him (and you have GOOD reason not to) then you really don't have a healthy relationship. Just some food for thought. Best wishes.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 7:31 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • honestly, after finding out my husband emotionally cheated on me with several different exes in the past via his phone, i dont touch that thing anymore. nor do i look at our records anymore (except when im online to pay the bill - but i do not snoop). we worked past the issue and a big part of that is me being able to trust him. i used to feel kind of psychotic looking at his records everyday and peeking at his messages any chance i got while he left his phone laying around. i can breathe easier now by not stalking his phone. the biggest step in moving past this is letting the past go. there comes a point where you either learn to trust him again or say goodbye. .
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 7:32 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • If your not married, then you have no legal right to go thru someone else's phone. If its just a SO (boyfriend) then that is legally his private property and he's legally protected from "snooping". He could actually have you arrested if he wanted to (which they wouldn't but its worth keeping in mind).

    If you're married thats a different story and involves probable cause and adultry, but just dating? No, you're still individuals at that time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • It's an invasion of privacy to go through his phone. Ask him directly. I'm really sorry you are going through this, but it doesn't sound like he is worthy of your trust.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:13 AM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Once a cheater, always a cheater.. men do not change and if they can do it over and over they will.... leave him.. you'll b hurt but you need to think about the baby also...
    clarasusana

    Answer by clarasusana at 2:19 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

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