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How do you get your kids to respect thier step parent?

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mrsdeb30

Asked by mrsdeb30 at 6:56 PM on Nov. 13, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (10)
  • I tell my son to treat his stepmom as he does me. shes the mom in that house and is expected to treat her accordingly. same as my husband his stepdad.
    rose0608

    Answer by rose0608 at 8:34 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Iagree w/ the prev. poster. Great answer rose0608 !!!!!!

    LovingParent08

    Answer by LovingParent08 at 10:59 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • The adults of the house privately discuss rules of the house and share them with the minors living there. If there is a problem then let the bio parent be the one to punish the child. A step will never be Mom. Children will remind you constantly of that fact. They can be friends or not even close but in order to maintain peace, harmony, and safety there needs to be rules. If a step is in a postion like being talked back to, ignored, or the the dishes aren't done then let the bio parent handle it. Unless it is an emergency and someone is unsafe then it can wait until the biological parent comes home. No need to pounce him when he gets in the door. He can always talk to her later before bed and say he noticed her dishes weren't done and remove her cell phone for a day. Respect for peace is more important than being seen as an authoritarian evil step parent.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:35 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I TOTALLY disagree with FROGDAWG....I am the step mom at my house. If I were to have dad handle everything, all I am saying is "please treat me like an idiot and like I don't exist". The rules are the same for dad or me. If you act up with dad or don't do something he asks...he's gonna handle it...if you act up with me...I'm going to handle it. I think it is stupid that step parents think they have to be on egg shells with their step kids. And as far as being MOM...I am the mom at this house, and my step daughter and I are very, very close and love each other very much. I am the mom, not her friend and that allows her to trust me. At least that's what she says...which is more than she says for her bio-mom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • I have to agree with Anonymous about disagreeeing with FROGDAWG. I am a step mom too and handle things when they need to be handled. I agree that letting it rest until dad gets home is just giving the message that he will handle everything and anything that I say isunreliable and I am incompetent. Aslo, why put the bio parent in the middle of a situation that a grown step parent CAN handle!?
    thecrazymama

    Answer by thecrazymama at 11:56 AM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • Step parents deserve respect just like Bio parents do. Step children don't have the right to be disrespectful to step parents just because they don't like the step parent.

    If there is an issue with a stepchild, it should be handled by the parent who is in charge of the children for that moment. Any issues can be reviewed with the other parent upon arriving home.

    But the Bio parent needs to establish that there are rules in the house and the step parent is to be treated with respect. The Bio parent needs to show how important the step parent is. In addition to this, the Bio parent needs to show that both parents have authority in the house and that the step parent has a lot of value.

    GOOD LUCK TO ALL!
    SeedsOfLove

    Answer by SeedsOfLove at 3:02 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I would try to change the focus of the step parent versus parent - and put some power in the hand of the step parent. For example, if there is an event coming up that the child wants to attend, let it be known in advance that based on the behavior towards the step parent will determine if the event will be attended. That way instead of focusing on the negative there are rewards for positive behavior.

    As a foster mom, I'm well aware of being told "you're not my mom". I reply that I am responsible for them - they don't have to like me, but they will respect me. Try not to be too heavy handed in that regard, it will get you better results in the long run.

    Maureenmich

    Answer by Maureenmich at 5:26 PM on Nov. 15, 2008

  • I've actually handed the authority over to my husband, gladly, and await the day my step-daughter moves out. She's not a nice person, and it's not just to me. She's really just insensetive and selfish to everyone. I've done the best I can for her. I'm willing to make food for her now and then, and do her laundry. But she's 14 and technically doesn't need me for anything. So I bowed out gracefully. We reside in the same home, and I'll accept niceness from her, but when "Dark Cloud" appears, I walk away. I save my energy for my 2 small children (whom she doesn't really care about) - who need me and I tell her to go call her mom.
    rebekahC

    Answer by rebekahC at 1:05 AM on Dec. 28, 2008

  • I am a step mom and step mom and have a step son and a step daugter. We have a rule at our house that is, "The only steps in our house are the ones on the porch!" With putting that in place we really don't have any problems. We have found out by putting that in place it let all kids know that I'm the mom of my house and I will be more than willing to punish if need be. I don't think that that step parents should step back and be walked on. That just inforced to the child that their step-parent has no athority over them and will cause havic in the house.
    Juggalette0327

    Answer by Juggalette0327 at 12:28 AM on Jan. 31, 2009

  • I have a 13 y/o sd and a 12 y/o ss. I've checked out for the 13 y/o and it makes me really sad. I miss the relationship that we once had where she would run to me and hug me and kiss me and tell me that she loves me. I recently found out that she was chatting to her friends and calling me a whore and a step-monster. She also doesn't want to call me Mom anymore but Jenny (that's how she refers to me to her friends, Jenny the step-monster - sniff, sniff). It totally caught me off guard and it broke my heart and I guess, it's still broken because I just can't get over it.

    Now I leave all the disciplining with her to her bio dad which sucks. I do feel like I need to walk around egg shells with her which makes me even more frustrated. We're just not in a healthy place right now and I hope it all gets better once she growns out of her teen years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:40 PM on Sep. 14, 2009

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