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3 Bumps

Can they really change? adult content

My boyfriend, and my en utero baby's father, has been extremely violent, threatening, and down right scarey. I now live in a safe-house and we visit. He cries and says he is on the brink of a huge change for the better. A part of me says "run!" the other part says its only fair to give him a chance, for the baby. What do you all think?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Stay far,far, away. You should get some counseling and figure out why it is you choose men who abuse & disrespect you. You deserve a happy, healthy relationship with someone who will love and cherish you and your children. First you need to learn how to love & repsect yourself. Take a stand against continuing in an unhealthy relationship that will only hurt you & your children in the long run.

    Answer by sarchasmicangel at 2:04 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I would proceed with extreme caution if you decide to continue having contact with him. Pretty much every abuser "feels bad" and cries and says they'll never do it again...but most of them do.

    I believe that people can completely change for the better but that most don't.


    Answer by vicesix at 1:54 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • it only takes 1 episode of extremely violent w/ a baby for it to all be over. Your obligation is to keep your child safe. You have a legal and morale job there. it sounds like your safe house's safety is compromised. Can you transfer? Get a new cell phone, email address, etc.

    Answer by hibbingmom at 1:54 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • RUN. Violent people do not change

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:54 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • which one, the bf or the father?

    Answer by beyondhopes at 1:53 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Once a person that's violent , it's hard for them to change... in my opinion, i wouldn't give another chance cause i have to put my life first....

    Answer by clarasusana at 1:56 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • He CAN change. IF he really wants to, that means he needs to GET HELP. ADMIT he has a problem, get THERAPY.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 1:54 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I agree with hibbingmom.  I'm not saying that people don't change.  What has he actually done to change?  What has he accomplished since you got to the safe house?  Your responsible for keeping your child safe.  So what if he isn't abusive towards the child, but is towards you.  He goes to hit you or throws you or something like that and you fall on the baby and the baby dies.  Or he throws something and "accidently" hits the baby and your baby dies.  I would think about all of that because I've read this shit in the paper in the past 3 months.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 1:58 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • But, as MrsHouston47302 said, what has he done to change? If he's done nothing, you need to move on. Just the fact that you went to a safe house should have spurred him to get help.

    Answer by TARARENEE at 2:02 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Im my experience the only time they cry and promise to change is when they dont have you but as soon as they get you back nothings really changed. If you do let him back in your life keep your gaurds up dont let him all the way back in until you are SURE he has changed for you and the baby.

    Answer by AhRimommy at 2:03 PM on Jan. 21, 2011