Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moving home for deployment, family issues, Should I move? (Long)

Hi I just want to say thanks to anyone who answers my question. I really appreciate it. I am a SAHM and my husband is AD Army. He is deploying in a couple of months. We are in Tx, and both our families are in Fl. My mom and dad would like myself and our daughter (1 and a half) to live with them while my husband is gone. He is leaving for a year. I am should I stay or go? I have a rocky relationship with my mom because my husband joined the army and we had my daughter. (Long story) My mom is supportive of him being AD, both my brothers are also. I currently live in Texas, and I like it. I am just finally feeling settled. Weahve been here for a year, and we have friends, and I volunteer regularly. We recently went home fro Christmas leave and it was a rough time with my parents. I love them very much, but they are very controlling to me and my husband gets very upset to see how they act. I would like to go home and see all our family and so the baby can be around them on a regular basis, but I am afraid I will be miserable and have no support while I am there. I have alot of support here from friends, and on post there are alot of services we can use while he is deployed, such as daycare and such to give me a break as my husband will be gone and it will just be my daughter and I. I was also thinking of returning to school, I am almost finished with my bachelors and I was thinking of going to school and putting the baby in daycare part time to accomodate this. I dont know what to do. I am torn. I love my mom and would love to see her, and I know it would hurt her badly if I stayed here. On the other hand, I am afraid that I will be very unhappy and miserable if I go. My parents do not really want me to go to school, and if I wanted some time to myself it would be huge hassle. Here I can easily afford the daycare on post, and at home my mom will be upset if I put madison in daycare for any amount of time. She will want to watch her. The thing is, while we were home for Christmas, my parents offered to watch the baby so my husband could go to dinner and a movie on our wedding anniversary. (12/23) We literally were gone 15 mins and my mom calls freaking out and we had to go home because the baby threw up. I had asked her before we left to stop feeding the baby and she didnt, and she got sick. Idk. I have a reliable friend who watches our daughter while my husband go on dates once or twice a month, who honestly I feel more comfortable taking madison to than my mom. I feel like I need to stay here for myself. To prove to myself I can do it, and to cut the aprons trings as my husband calls it. My husband is supportive either way. He feels like it is my decision, he wants me to be happy while he is gone. Please any advice. My mind tells me to stay here and my heart tells me to go home, even if it is a bad situation. Thanks so much in advance.

Answer Question

Asked by Sillybillymel at 2:55 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 10 (394 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I moved home while my husband was deployed. I do have a good relationship with my family, however, I wished I had of stayed on base. There were so many opportunities that I missed (ex.- Video conferencing). Anyways, is there any way to compromise? For example, you could go home during the summer and Christmas and stay in Texas the rest of the time. Also, not sure if you are in base housing or if you rent off post. Do you plan on keeping your place? If so, I know on base housing you will have to get someone to watch over your apartment and you will have to leave them the key in case they need to come into your place for an emergency. Anyway, ultimately it is your decision. I wouldn't do anything that you feel uncomfortable doing though.


    Answer by JeremysMom at 3:01 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I do not understand why girls move back home when their husbands go on deployment? I got married and stayed in our home when he had to leave anywhere. That is what a wife do, you keep your house and maybe visit family. It is part of growing up.
    We where in the military for 20 years and I never moved back home.

    Answer by gammie at 3:02 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I would stay. You are more comfortable in TX. Have a support network that understands what it is like to be in your shoes and won't cause the stress that your family seems to cause. If you move home, then your support network is gone. You'll have to deal with the stress of the relationship you have with your parents....and that's not healthy when raising a child.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:02 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • it sounds like if you were to move home the only reason you would be doing it is to please your mom, who already drives you bonkers when you're around her all the time (which i can totally relate to, me and my mom have the same kind of relationship because we're both head-strong Germans) so ultimately the decision is yours and you need to pick the one that would make you most happy and occupied while your husband is gone. it sounds like where you are you will have plenty of things to do while he's deployed, which is one of the best medicines for a lonely heart when your husband is deployed (which i can also relate to, my hubby deployed back in '07 for 15 months). you can always go visit your family for a week or so every few months. either way good luck on the deployment and if you ever need a supportive ear you can pm me :)

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:04 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • You need to think about what is best for you & your child not worry about pleasing everyone else IMO. I am in the same boat right now with 3 little ones. My hubby will be deploying in a couple of months & i am still trying to figure out what to do. Good luck & i hope you get things figured out.


    Answer by iluvmykidsxoxo at 3:06 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I think you should stay in Tx near the base and be with other army wives because when he gets back you will just have to move again and it will be easier on you, the baby and him if he can come home to a "home", know what i mean ?

    Answer by mistik75 at 5:41 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • sounds like your guilt is telling you to go home.
    read you letter again yourself, sounds like you don't want to go, you have all you need where you are, you want to go to school, and your mom obviously can't handle your daughter.

    maybe go for a visit, but I t think if you move back there it will probably get so bad that you and your mom will likely stop speaking.

    don't move back there VERY bad idea.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 7:18 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Thanks so much everyone. Yeah I think the best thing is to stay here. I live off post, I am happy here. I know alot of people who move back home during deployment. It is very common. I just think its better for all parties involved if I do stay here. Thanks so much I needed impartial advice.

    Comment by Sillybillymel (original poster) at 8:04 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.