Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

innapropriate??? *vent*

ok.. my mom died a few years ago and i miss her very much.. i was the youngest of three and i am the only one who she didnt get to attend graduation for.. although i was glad her ashes were there... anywho, i will be giving birth sometime in may/june and mentioned that i want my mom (ashes) to be in the room with me so she can be there.. well i have had a few people (a friend) tell me that was innapropriate and that hospitals are clean environments and that ashes are dirty.. ok, first of all, they aren't JUST ASHES, second of all, it is MY MOM, and lastly, she were lucky you to have her mom in the room with her when she delivered, i cant have mine with me... it just hurts my feelings that ppl dont even think before they talk.. i couldnt even say anything.. i just criend and walked away.. now she is mad at me for not responding to any of her voicemails.. i think i have a reason to ignore her right now!!! maybe its my hormones, but i really feel she stepped out of line with that comment. was i wrong?

Answer Question

Asked by 1sttimemom2011 at 3:30 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 9 (328 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Well that is something completly up to you. your right your moms ashes are in a urn and they are secure so it won't be like they are everywhere. I don't find this inappropriate. Everyone out there is going to have a oppinion and think something is done wrong if it is not their way. If it makes you feel better to have her ashes there then set up a secure spot in the room where they are in site. Its your baby and birth. Do it your way . Blessings

    Answer by MamaWolf1981 at 3:33 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Start by finding out if the hospital will allow it. Then go from there.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:33 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • i can understand why you're hurt, and you being hormonal only enhances the feeling. i don't think you were wrong, but if this is a valued friend it wouldn't hurt to call her back and explain to her what you explained to us. she may be feeling really bad about what she said and just wants the chance to tell you that.

    btw im sorry about your mother. i hope you get your wishes granted in having her ashes in the room with you. i also do not agree that they're dirty.

    Answer by tnm786 at 3:33 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I think some people are uncomfortabe with death and ashes and such and others are more open about it. Your friend may just be someone who is more uptight about death. I think you cant help but have your feelings hurt but I think you should return your friends calls and tell her that this is a hard thing to go thru without your mom and it just really hurt your feelings. Your friend didnt mean to hurt your feelings, she just doesnt understand.

    Answer by ria7 at 3:33 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Um, she called your moms ashes dirty.  Yeah I'd be a little upset.  I think if that's what you want to do then you should do it.  I didn't keep my moms ashes and sometimes when I am in pain I go lay on her grave.  We all grieve differently.  And come on, do we really ever get over losing our mommys!?  I don't think so.  My mom died long before I gave birth but while in labor I definitely thought about her.  I think having her ashes there is a great idea actually.  And for your friend to be so inconsiderate, well, people don't think sometimes.  Maybe you should tell her you think she was out of line.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:35 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I think a picture of your mom might be as helpful but that's just me.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:35 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • the ashes are in an urn and are completely sealed first of all.second its your baby and your labor if you want your mom there and you feel comforted by it then have at it. she is a FRIEND not anyone that tells you what you can and cant do. besides is the friend going to be in the room with you?
    do what you want its you choice and no one elses.

    Answer by laura970 at 3:39 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • laura is right. The urn is sealed. And anyway,cremains are not dirty,they're sterile.

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 3:45 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Hugs! I can understand how you feel, and my feeling is that it is your delivery and if you want your mom's ashes with you-- do it! I would check with the doctor/hospital first and make sure it is ok, and maybe designate a specific person to be responsible for mom's ashes while at the hospital that way you can focus on having the baby and not worry about anything happening to mom.

    Answer by MizLee at 3:46 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I would ask the hospital before anything.

    Answer by LiLJeni at 11:07 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.