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7 Bumps

I think this is fair, my ex thinks it is crap, who's right????

My ex went into the military about a year and a half ago. After training, he was stationed in South Korea for a year. He will be comming back in a month and plans to take me to court. I can't affor a lawyer but I had a consiltation with one, just to know what to expect. I have told him what my lawyer said and he said his lawyer has confirmed it, and he thinks he is getting a raw deal. She said that because he will be living a state away but still within 280 miles, he is considered "local" so he gets every other weekend and one day during the week (no exta during the summer like he though). He has to drive the whole way because since he lives in the barracks, my dd (4) can't stay with him there so he will have to stay with his mom. The only thing is, he won't be able to come every other weekend (there is no way he will be able to come one day during the week) and the weekends he can come, he has to come after work on friday, he will get off at 5 or 6 and have to drive 4 hours so he won't get here till after she is in bed. Because of this, he won't get her friday nights only saturday. I am also asking for right of first refusal so he can't leave my dd with his mom while he goes out and parties sat night and I am asking for an adjustment period of the months where he only gets her saturday but she comes home at night since she hasn't seen him in a year and both laywers have said I will get it. I think that my ex did this to himself by going into the Army and I think the schedule is perfectly fair, am I right?

Answer Question

Asked by JLS2388 at 3:46 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (58)
  • Im sorry but as an outsider I just find it so sad. How is this all his fault for going into the military? I hope things work out between you guys in court,,good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:49 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I can see where he might think that is a "raw deal". I wouldnt consider 280 miles local. I have heard 100mi as being local. But its all where he lives. He lives so far away so even if they grant that visitation like that (they probly will) it will make it really hard for him to see her. They may end up granting a month out of the summer (some judges do) since he lives farther away.

    Answer by MamaWolf1981 at 3:50 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I think you need to start thinking about your daughter. She should be allowed to see her dad. I understand the parts about not leaving her with his mom and the adjustment period, but with the only saturday thing, that's just not fair to your daughter. And I respect your ex for serving our country.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 3:51 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • You both are right. You both are trying to work out a way to see your daughter which is most important. Keep talking about it and running by scenarios, you'll come up with something you can both agree on. Remember you both are on the same side--your daughters.

    Answer by keisha613 at 3:51 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I had to drive my kids 40 miles for supervised visitation during the week and then when he was granted regular visitation I had to meet him at a halfway point, dropping off and picking up. and I had full legal and full physical,,,stupid judges

    Answer by beyondhopes at 3:53 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • what are you trying to do, make it so he can't see his daughter. If my daughters father was in the military, which basically means death at any time, I'd want her to spend as much time with her dad as possible. Period. Honestly, you will have a hell of a lot explaining to do if you purposely try to work against him and your daughter gets older and realizes that you kept her away . I went thru a similar situation and boy did my mom catch hell for it.

    As a mom you should want your child to have a mother and father, he is in the army risking his life for your ass, your daughter and his country, please show some respect and let him see his daughter as much as he can while he is here, you never know when that first deployment may come.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 3:53 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Is there not anyway that the two of you can work out something different that would benefit both your child and him?


    Answer by JeremysMom at 3:54 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • So basically you are sabotaging him even being with his kid period.  Friday night he can't take her because he won't get there until after she is asleep.  Saturday he can't keep her because she would be with his mom.  Um yeah good luck with this one.  Ya know, with so many parents out there who don't even want their freaking kids I would think you'd make a little more of an effort to let him see her.  I don't know the full story and the history behind you two so all I can do is base what you've said here in my opinion.  You seem ungrateful and petty to me.  In a world like this I would think you'd be a little more appreciate of the safety you take for granted while someone else (the army) stands in the front lines.


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 3:55 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I think that my ex did this to himself by going into the Army and I think the schedule is perfectly fair, am I right?

    Yea, God Forbid he get a decent job to provide for his child... He should just be a slacker in the same town... Where is your LOGIC in this statement?


    Answer by grlygrlz2 at 3:56 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Does his mom live in the same state as you? Is that why he has to drive the whole way?

    Answer by jucyfrut at 3:56 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

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