Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

What do you do with a dad that don't want to see his kids?

My kids' dad has been not wanting to see his kids since we split a couple years ago and only sees them when it is convient for him, he makes promises and then don't follow thru with them. I have tried everything to get him to shape up but maybe I am missing something. Any sugestions?


Asked by gramattmom at 4:10 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • You can't force someone to do something they don't want to do. In terms of him not wanting to see the kids, there is nothing much you can do. Just be the best mother possible and know that HE is the one missing out and it's HIS fault. Sometimes men learn, most times they don't.

    Answer by keisha613 at 4:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • There is nothing you can do. BUT never bad mouth him in front of the kids. When he lets them down let THEM call him and ask him what happened and why he isn't coming. Let them figure it out for themselves. then you don't look like the bad guy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:13 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • PP's are right, what can you really do? nothing. ''/ it sucks, but in the end, he's gonna be the one missing out. im going through the same thing, promises are a bunch of sh*t when it coems to my dd's sperm donor. ur kids have a loving mother and in my eyes, in this situation, thats all they need.

    Answer by knicole0708 at 4:14 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • i stopped letting him see her. i told him when he started to dwindle out when my oldest was under 1 year, that he was either going to be around or he wasn't. i wasn't going to play the "when it's convenient for you" game. im playing the "my child's feelings are number one" game right back. she will be 5 this year and he has only seen her once since she turned 1. and that will most definitely be the last time, until she comes to me and asks to see him.

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • There is nothing you can do if he does not want to see them keep them involved in activities to keep their minds off of him not being around. Find ways of telling them that he is busy and never say anything bad about him around them. If you have other males in your family or close friends have them do things with your kids so that they will not miss out on the male figures. Try to keep a detailed log of times he was suppose to be around and mention it in court or to him . Just a way of covering your end in case things get hairy later.

    Answer by karing4elmas at 4:16 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I know your kids want to see their father. But you can not force him to see them. You can only force him to pay child support.
    Stop bothering him about it. Let him see the kids when he want. Don't push it.

    Answer by louise2 at 4:17 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I spent 3 years trying to force my daughters dad to be there for her but unless he wants it, its never gonna happen. I was lucky she was young but she still asks for him even though she has a step dad who has ben there since the start.. I wish I cud help you but I cudnt do it, even when he moved away I still sent photos and updates but never got anyting back so Ive stopped that too. Its his lost, just dont bad mouth him to your kids and answer any questions they have as honest as you feel you can.. Just remember this is no your fault he left your children not you xx

    Answer by DawnLauren at 4:19 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Find another male role model for them to spend time with. A grandfather or an uncle or a family friend. Thats what I did when ex was acting like that.

    Answer by beyondhopes at 4:20 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Unfortunately, making a baby does not make a man have instincts of fatherhood. Just as unfortunate is the fact that you nor anybody else has the power to make that man change into one who does want to be a dad. I think the best thing you can possibly do is admit to your children that you chose such a man to be their father and that you are sorry that you did not make a wiser decision. I would then tell them that I intend with all my heart to help them in every way possible not to make the same mistakes I did. This is what you tell the girls. You tell the boys that you want to help them learn to be men to whom fatherhood is extremely important because you now realize more fully how much children need that. The bottom line is that while we don't have power to change other people, we can let them help us change ourselves and teach our children from our own mistakes. I've had to do that many times with mine!

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Let it be. Its on him. My ex has not seen my son in like 6 years his choice.My son is well adjusted. We have alot of love within our family to show to him. He is loving and happy. If a dad doest want to be a be a dad than he is not worth anything.Let him be the looser that will loose out on him.
    Raise your kids to be proud, later in life they can just know that Dad made poor choices in his life-thats what I will do! Good luck-if you need support message me and I will try to help you.

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 4:25 PM on Jan. 21, 2011