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How Do I Deal With Bio-Mom

My 16 year old stepson's mother hates me with a passion and I cannot figure out why. For a short time she even refused to let him come to see his dad because she didn't want her son around me. Her son became a vegan after his father did and she blamed it on fact anything that she doesn't like that he does she blames on me (and this whole side of the family knows that she is snooty and feels that my stepson embarrasses her just by his hair, or the way he dresses, or wearing his glasses). The thing is, I feel that her and I should get along because of her son being in my life. What can I do to resolve this issue?


Asked by anicheri at 5:24 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in General Parenting

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This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Unfortunately sometimes there is nothing you can do..Sounds like she has decided to live her life angry...The best thing you can do is just continue to love the child...I went through the same thing..I found that the situation only bothered me, was only making me miserable. I learned that I dont have to have a relationship with this person, as long as the child felt loved by me thats all that matter, besides I wasnt the one that sleep with her so we had not connection..I no longer have any contact with her, which has removed the stress from my life, as well as the children because they no longer have to deal with the nonsense she displayed when it came to me..Good Luck

    Answer by sam223 at 8:11 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Nothing. You can try and talk to her and see what she says, but if she doesnt like you then you cant change her mind. Some women are just that way. I had the opposite problem with a step mom who didnt like me just because who knows why? I tried to talk to her, it didnt help. Just be a good step mom to your step son and try and ignore her.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:27 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • She doesn't sound like one that can be reasoned with. She must have mental health issues or something. Anyway, just focus on being the calm, mentally healthy one. Let your stepson know how you feel about him. Perhaps he will one day tell his Bio-Mom to get a grip.

    Answer by collier5 at 5:29 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Nothing YOU can do. Your DH the father can. The son I think is old enough to make up his own mind. In the courts eyes.

    Answer by louise2 at 5:36 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Nothing you can do. I can see as a Bio mom getting slightly annoyed by the vegan thing because now she probably has to completely change how she cooks at home. If I where her I would have talked to the dad and asked if next time she could get a heads up about any huge lifestyle changes that may effect how things run in her house. No reason to hate any one or be mean.

    How long have they been separated? Did he have any other relationships between theirs and yours? My step kid's bio mom is awesome to me, but they have not been together for over a decade and he had dated a few girls between the time they split and meeting me so it was not new to her.


    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 6:16 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • At that point than just smile let DH take all her crazy calls and know that he will be out of High school in a few years which means you no longer have to deal with her to be in his life.

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 8:35 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • We all agree that he is old enough to make up his own mind and he wants to move in with us be he doesn't want to leave his school which is understandable but Him being 16 he doesn't quite grasp what is better for his mental health and I am NOT going to push him into doing anything and neither is his father or grandmother. We decided that when we move we are going to move close to where he goes to school so he can stay in that district. We have things figured out for the most part but his mother always has to pull some drama and I really wish there was at least a line of communication but there isn't.

    Comment by anicheri (original poster) at 6:18 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • They have been separated since he was for so for about 12 years now and he has even gotten married to another girl since he left her. His ex-wife whom he has a daughter with is awesome and super sweet. I get along with her just fine. The vegan thing wasn't like his dad told him to, my stepson just decided that on his own but she chose to get mad at me....ME not his dad me.....ack the more I write about this the more I realize there is nothing I can do but be the doormat to her drama.

    Comment by anicheri (original poster) at 6:22 PM on Jan. 21, 2011