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My dd's sm is "sharing my dd's clothes with her step sister

My dd is 8 years old and visits her dad 1 weekend a month. The situation was fine but the sm (they have been married about a year) has been causing problems. She has 2 dd, one is 7 (though she is my dd's size) and the other is 5. Well since my dd goes over 1 weekend a month from friday to sunday, I send her 3 oufits, plus the one she wears over (one for sat, one for sun, and one extra incase she gets messy) plus 2 pair of pjs and 4 pair of panites and 4 pair of socks. At first I would notice a couple pair of socks missing, it was kinda anoying but hey, they are socks and I am not gonna risk causing problems over socks. Then I started noticeing that some things were not coming home. I called my ex but his wife answered and I asked where my dd's clothes were (by then it was 2 pair of jeans, 3 shirts and a dress) she said that those things were too small for my dd (they were not and I suspect that she really gave them to the older dd), so she gave them to her younger dd since they are step sisters and should share. I told her that she is not welcome to "give" my dd's things to her child. I also have a 5 year old dd who I would like to be able to hand my older dd's stuff down to as well as a cousin who's children could really use them. She said that since my husbad makes a lot of money and her and her husband are struggling, she felt that she had the right to do that. My ex doesn't pay child support because my husband makes so much more then he does and we knew that the amount that he would have to pay would hardly be anything to use but would hurt them financially, so we just said don't worry about it. So the next month they had her for a three day weekend my dd left with her normal amount of clothes plus an extra oufit for the extra day so a total of 4 oufits (Children's place, Gymboree, Gap) and when she came home she was wearing one of her oufits, so I didn't know anything was wrong. Then I emtied her bag and it was faded walmart clothes with stains everywhere. I called my ex, he said he didnt' know what was going on so he put his wife on and she said, oh, the girls decided to trade. I told her I would call back after I talked to my dd. I showed my dd the things and said her sm said her and the girls had traded. She started crying because she didn't know anyting about it and she wanted her clothes back. I called the sm back and told her to bring my dd's nice clothes back and take her shit back. She said she is keeping them because she is sick of my dd "prancing" around in nice clothes making her dd feel bad. It's not that we can't afford to replace the clothes but the fact of the matter is that it's not my job to supply her dd with clothes. I am thinking about telling her if ONE more of my dd's things go missing, I will take my ex to court and get the child support I should be getting. We tried to be nice by not taking the money cause we know they need every penny my ex makes but it's not fair that she keeps stealing for my dd. I talked to my dd about maybe buying some clothes from walmart or something that they won't want to take just to wear there but Walmart clothes don't fit my dd right and I couldn't bring myself to do it because she was so upset. When I was growing up, my family didnt' have a lot of money so I didnt' have many nice clothes and so now I think that is why it is so important to me for my children to have them. For my dd, I think it is more about the clothes fitting her (she is very small but she is thinner then she is short so the Walmart clothes hang off of her) and Children's Place is good for her body type. The thing is, if the sm would stop smoking and spend that money on her kid's clothes, they could have nice clothes too. Should I tell her that if one more of my dd's things go missing, I will take my ex to court and get the child support I should be getting? Does anyone have any sugestions?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (29)
  • I am in total agreement with you.  Take his ass to court.  For him to give her the phone and act like he doesn't know what's going on infuriates me almost as much as her STEALING your daughters clothing.  He knows that he can't afford those clothes and he knows what your daughter together is wearing.  I would call him and say LOOK this is what is going on and either fix it or you will start paying for the clothes your wife is stealing.  That's just sad.  Stealing from a child. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:06 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • She didn't buy any of those clothes and she has no right to give them away period.  Why is she even going thru your daughters things!  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I am angry enough for the both of us right now, lol.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:07 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Start labeling the clothes with your daughter's initials, your last name, something. Keep all receipts for the clothes from now on.
    And if necessary, and they won't 'play nice', go to court. The SM is being petty.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:07 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I NEVER sent clothes for visits...my x had to provide for his children at least while they were with him. And the clothes I sent them hardly ever came home and if they did they were ruined. I quit sending them in the nice clothes and started sending them in clothes they came home in. I take pride in our apearance so I got to the point of only concerning myself with what I could control and that was my time with my kids.
    Noosa

    Answer by Noosa at 9:08 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I would not only tell her that you will take him to court for the child support but on top of it that you will start making them buy clothing for when she is over there.
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 9:09 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Well, I don't know that my ex did know about that when I called. The girls weren't wearing them when they dropped my dd off so my ex prob didn't see them yet. I just feel bad for my dd. I have given her dds some things, espcially when Children's Place has really good sales and I have a coupon, you can get some things for almost nothing and I feel like now, she feels like I owe her more.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:09 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • And I am the same way.  I had old dirty clothes, never anything new and shoes that were raggedy.  I buy expensive clothes for all of my children and I would be pissed if this was happening to me.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 9:10 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • The next time you drop your daughter off I would show the 3 outfits to your ex husband and tell him that you want these three outfits back or he can provide her with clothes from now on via child support. Period end of discussion.
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 9:11 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • The only reason that I don't just tell them they need to buy clothes for while my dd is there is because they will put her in the worst crap they have. This isn't my dd's fault and I don't want her punished. Oh, now the SM is pregnant too, why they are having another when she has to steal from my chld, I have no idea
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Another idea - hit a thrift store and get your DD some outfits that can stay there for her to wear when she is there. Then don't send anything with her when she goes.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

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