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2 Bumps

help with a 16 year old...when i have NO experience!

My boyfriend and I have 3 children, 4, 3 and 7 months. My boyfriends little brother who is 16, was gettin into trouble in another state, so his mom asked if we can help. We traveded to Texas to pick him up and his mother signed over guardianship to us. I have zero experience with a 16 year old, and im not sure what we have gotten ourselfs into! help!

Answer Question
 
tayshu4

Asked by tayshu4 at 9:07 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 9 (354 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Esepcially since he gotten in trouble, I will tell you GOODLUCK !!!!!
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 9:09 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Start with therapy and go from there. Lay down the law immediately. If he cannot abide by the rules of the house, especially with little ones in the house, then he goes somewhere else.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:09 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Be open with him, be his friends instead of "parents". If you let him express himself to you, you can figure out whats bothering him and you can help him out. Typical teenage boys like video games, food, porn, and more food (thats really all you need to keep them happy lol!)
    xmama_bellax

    Answer by xmama_bellax at 9:10 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Make rules, lots of rules. And enforce those rules. The way you start out with him is very, very important. He needs guidelines and he needs to know that he will be held accountable. Remember too, that you have little children who will be watching all that goes on.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I am sorry xmama but I would not let a 16 year old have porn in my home. that is just poor parenting and lack of common sense.
    ready4baby2011

    Answer by ready4baby2011 at 9:13 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • First time parents don't have any experience. Read. Ask, Be involved. Talk. Love. Listen. Watch.
    It is a hard job, but can be very rewarding.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I agree with twinsplus2more.......Lay the expectations down right from the start. Get him into a counselor. No your not his parents but you are responsible for him and for his actions emotionally and financially.

    Good Luck!
    mistynights234

    Answer by mistynights234 at 9:15 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I completely disagree with xmama. You aren't to be his friends. While you aren't his actual parents, your husband is his brother. Act like concerned brother/sister-in-law. And do NOT allow porn in your house with little ones around. This teen is still a MINOR!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 9:23 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • don't be his friend at 16 he will walk all over you he will lie and cheat steal
    if he says he going to a friend place check it out you have to set rules and he must follow them
    let work around the house keep one eye open till one day he says thanks
    most of all love him show him how much tell him your proud of him praise him
    always give him thumbs up and listen to what he has to say yes you will yell at times
    pick your fights he does not no why his mom gave up on him his brother and you will grow as one
    and in the end you will have great kid good luck
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 9:33 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • well with troubled teens there is a very thin line you have to walk you cant be too over bearing but you can let them get away with everything either but you also have to allow some freedoms. the reason i say this is because if you get too overbearing they will rebell and you will have more problems but if you let them get away with too much they will think you dont care and he can do whatever he wants. so lay it all out to him and talk with your husband first and set up rules you guys want and then sit down with him and tell him what your expectations are and if not followed the consequences. this has to be a joint effort and everyone involved including him needs to play a part. you have to be able to sit down and talk to eachother and explain whats going on and whats not going on along with how everyone is feeling. 16 can be a really hard time and if he is already sstruggling then it makes things worse.
    laura970

    Answer by laura970 at 9:35 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

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