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Suicidal Ideation adult content

I know it's just the hormones, but there are times when I can't get the dark thoughts out of my head, they just circle and circle like vultures waiting for me to stop fighting so they can peck my dead eyes out. I'm on bed rest, so there isn't much I can do to distract myself from these feelings other than tons of television. I've tried reading, I usually enjoy reading but right now I tend to get too wrapped up in whatever I'm reading and won't sleep. I do sleep a lot, I think I'm doing it to escape, to get a break from feeling completely worthless all the time.
I was about to start a career that I had worked very hard to be qualified for, I had literally just graduated when I found out I was pregnant and labeled "high-risk" and told that I couldn't work. My self-esteem was crushed, I'd hung everything on this career, it made me feel good, important, needed, intelligent and special. Right now, I feel insane, I have obsessive thoughts that I can't seem to chase away, I have bad nightmares with horrible images that stay with me all day, I hear snatches of songs in my head that repeat and repeat until I want to cry. I have an ongoing internal monologue that can be frightening at times. I find myself thinking that because I couldn't start working right away, that when I do get to start, people won't want to hire me because I had to take all this time off so they may assume that I've lost some of my skills. I've withdrawn from friends and family because I don't want people to see me this way, I don't want them to see the pathetic shell of the person I used to be. I find myself thinking about dying because I'm getting to the point where I'm more afraid of being disappointed in myself and disappointing my family than I am of leaving them. I know it's crazy, I know it's temporary and nobody can predict the future. But it's hard right now. I was wondering if anyone could relate to this? I'm not alone, am I?

Answer Question

Asked by Fistandantalus at 10:11 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Pregnancy

Level 23 (16,597 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • talk to your doctor ASAP! this is a serious situation! your doctor will be able to provide you with resources and/or medication to help you through the tough times!

    Answer by tayshu4 at 10:14 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • i had the same thing as you and they put me on zoloft, it reallllly helped!

    Answer by pookipoo at 10:14 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I can't say I've been in your exact situation, but I have been in some very dark places in my life. Sometimes the only thing you have to hold onto is the knowledge that you won't be there forever, and it sounds like you know that very well. Still, I am sorry for the bad thoughts and feelings you're experiencing right now, and it can be very difficult to imagine the light at the end when you're deep inside that tunnel.

    I don't know you, so I'd feel weird trying to make suggestions about things you could do to make yourself feel better, so I just wanted to give you a "hang in there" and remind you that things have a way of working themselves out in the end.

    Answer by vicesix at 10:16 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Uh, yeah, I was also going to ask if you'd spoken with your doc or midwife about this?

    Answer by vicesix at 10:16 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • talk to your doctor and vent here anytime you want.

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 10:20 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Call a suicide hot line or your doctor ASAP, this is serious and you need help NOW. Please, call and talk to a professional.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:20 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I'm in my third trimester, antidepressants are contraindicated during the third trimester. I should have said that in my original post, apologies. My doctors said that it will pass eventually and I believe them, but it's just really hard to hang onto reality here, to be able to differentiate between what's real and what isn't.

    Comment by Fistandantalus (original poster) at 10:21 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • i took zoloft all the way through (well from 24 weeks), but im not sure how crazy you are compared to how crazy i was, because i was pretty batshit, CPS had to come talk to me. my son doesnt have any heart problems from it... but i dont know your situation

    Answer by pookipoo at 10:39 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • I was on zoloft also. till the day i delivered and switched to wellbutrin after.

    Answer by tayshu4 at 10:51 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • i took zoloft from week 16 to week 40 when i had my son and am still on it and he is just fine he is 6 weeks old as of today!!! It is safer to take it then you hurt yourself your baby or someone else.

    Answer by Candie2008 at 11:12 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

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