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2 Bumps

Getting past my husband's affair?

He had a two year long affair that resulted in a child. He moved his family to a different state to be with this woman. He would rub her in my face by talking to her in front of me, lhaving her pick him up in front of our house, he introduced our older two kids to her- in fact it was our then four year old that told me she was pregnant. The list could go on and on. Their relationship ended afew months after the baby was born. I suspect she ended it. I stayed with him. Their daughter will be four on Sunday so it's been almost four years. We are separated now and I plan on filing for divorce so why does it still hurt so much?Will I ever just move on? How can I stay on friendly terms with this man when Iam so angry at him still? Thanks!

@Aml-I thought we were moving to another state for a job.

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adkm81

Asked by adkm81 at 11:20 PM on Jan. 21, 2011 in Relationships

Level 3 (13 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • every time you think about going back, think about what he did. You dont want to go back to that! I divorced my 1st husband and thought it would be very hard, but I would just remind myself of WHY we divorced- you will get over it and find someone better :) And you only need to be "friendly" cause of the children. When there not around it's okay to show your angry at him, just my opinion.
    lovmyhubby

    Answer by lovmyhubby at 11:24 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • everyone is different, for some people it just takes time. for others, when u meet someone else-u will THEN no longer be missing him or bothered by it if u found a great guy that makes u THANKFUL that ur ex is gone & almost makes ur ex a joke because u are now happy. there are good guys out there.if u pray about it & u do good things in ur life i believe u will be blessed with happiness. good things come to those who wait. & bad experiences prepare u to see it comein a mile away & smarter..to not end up with someone who could do such things. (some guys can be tricky) but if u get to know someone long enough..you can usually tell deep in your heart if someone has it in their character to do things like that. u will be ok. & time really does heal all wounds. it will always bother u, but in time you'll just be so glad u got out
    hellokitty1978

    Answer by hellokitty1978 at 11:26 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • You may not be able to stay on friendly terms with him, and that's ok. Just try to keep the kids out of it. It seems like you've tried to make it work but you can only do so much if he isn't a willing participant. I think when you finally put an end to it you'll feel some closure and you'll start to feel better.

    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 11:32 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • Don't forgive, just forget him. Why have someone who sucks so much make you hurt? Seriously think about what an asshole he was/is and feel bad for him. He is a pathetic loser and instead of being mad at him you should feel bad that he has karma coming his way. Don't spend time worrying about what some a hole thinks or did in the past. Let it go and re start your life.
    dbodani

    Answer by dbodani at 11:49 PM on Jan. 21, 2011

  • New here.
    I think everyone's situation is different for moving on after an affair.

    But yours seems to be to the extreme. There is no excuse on how he behaved first of all, but the way he was behaving shows the person he is. Rubbing the fact that he was with her in front of you, introducing the kids to her, ect... But the deal breaker here is having a child with her. To me that is the cherry on top.

    Some marriages survive affairs yes, but only if there was some remorse by the cheating spouse before you found out. He gave you no respect at all. It doesn't seem like he cared or his mentality is on the immature level, which in that case I would have to ask myself why am I with this fool. An affair is hard to get over period, but with a child made from an affair it will be a constant reminder to you of what he did. Therapist say, don't make a fast and harsh decision to leave your marriage, maybe give it some time. But a baby..
    SnapIt

    Answer by SnapIt at 12:48 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • It is going to be hard either way. If you stay, you have to try and suck it up and smile to make it work. If you leave, you have to accept the challenges of the new lifestyle. The love factor does not make it easy either no matter why you loved him. Imagine where you want to see yourself in life and then begin the journey of getting yourself there. Good luck too!
    QueenAdeela

    Answer by QueenAdeela at 2:00 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I'm sorry you are going through this. I know how difficult affairs are. It sounds like he wasn't even sorry about cheating? What made you stay with him while he was fooling around with the other woman?

    The way he put you down and rubbed her in your face is a form of mental abuse. Look into it and seek help!

    Please, check out www.cafemom.com/groups/innocencestolen

    mrskrisher

    Answer by mrskrisher at 2:07 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • im sorry. good luck with everything just keep doing things in your life that make you so happy!! You are hurt because you started this family and took wedding vows and things have turned out differently, keep moving forward and you will never look back with regret!! Best wishes!
    ChanQ

    Answer by ChanQ at 6:03 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Everyone is different and why you moved to another State and all so he could be with this woman etc., totally beats me. I would have slapped him in court then, muchless up rooting my child for some other woman. Both of them had no respect, muchless you having respect for yourself and mainly your child. WHY any of you would but any children in this mix is beyond me. I undertand you are hurt, but you did it to yourself as well by putting up with it and letting them both walk all over you. Maybe a divorce group at the Church if you belong to one? Or maybe someone that specializes in this sort of stuff, and maybe they can help you figure out why you allowed a lot of this to happen to yourself so it DOES NOT happen again. No one deserves that. My grandma always said "you are treated the way you allow others to treat you" and it is very true. Praying and wishing you the best! Always hug your children! :)
    AmI88

    Answer by AmI88 at 10:34 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

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