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2 Bumps

What do you think about this?

My 23 y/o sister and 19y/o brother never come around they family. This is our dad's side because the other side lives out of state. The only time they want to come aroud is when they are getting something out of it. Our parents are divorced but the get along. They live with our mom and I live with our dad. They never come to see him or call to talk or see how he is. They text him and ask him for thing and if he can't do it are mad. Our mom says they are the kids and he needs to put in more effort to spend time with them. He says that he feels used because and that they only come and see him at christmas time. This is because they know they are getting something. Well this year He got them one gift and they were upset. They feel that because he helps me with my boys( I found out I had MS when I was 19 and I already had them) that takes away from what he does for them. This is not true because when ever they need him no matter what he is there. So am I the reason why they treat him and the family this way or is it them. I don't think so but I am on the inside looking out. What do you all think?

 
LADYA1983

Asked by LADYA1983 at 12:26 AM on Jan. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 13 (1,305 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • divorce is hard on everyone. its pretty common for older kids to be selfish (younger ones too). maybe your father contributed in past to their demands because of guilt from them not living with him(most divorced dads are "disneyland dads") and he set up a materialistic pattern? bottom line is its not your job to manage their relationship with your dad. dont put yourself in the middle. allow them to work it out themselves. it will get better as they get older and mature but make sure you continue to reach out to them as their sister not the moderator. your dad has decided to help you out a little more than them and thats his right. do not feel guilt over this. all parents at one time have to help one child over another, most dont keep score. you have enough stress on your plate, let your father handle them.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 7:41 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • It's not your fault they're spoiled brats...
    the_kimmers

    Answer by the_kimmers at 12:32 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • that what i was going to say, Its totaly them they sound like spoild brats , if they want to miss out thats on them but i woldnt go out of my way for someone like that family or not
    Cherriemama831

    Answer by Cherriemama831 at 12:35 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I am sorry your siblings are not good people. I am sure it hurts your dad also. Hopefully they will grow up and treat your dad better,
    stormyvawn

    Answer by stormyvawn at 12:35 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Something similar is happening with my sister. She just turned 32 and just in the last 6 months or so has decided to finally start talking to my mom again after probably 2 years of total silence. She used to get along with my dad, but they co-signed on her student loans and she's falling behind on payments, so of course my dad is catching hell from collection agencies. My sister has gotten all kinds of things for herself, an ipad, a new cat, a new dog, a new couch, but my dad keeps getting calls. So of course he's not thrilled, but he's not one to yell, he just wants her to try harder to pay. Anyway, she hardly talks to either of them unless she needs money. It's sad. They're not perfect, but not deserving of the silent treatment or even a cold shoulder. I don't get it either. She doesn't put out much effort to talk to me even. It's sad.
    I hope your siblings realize how selfish they're being, parents aren't immortal afterall
    Crazy_Daze

    Answer by Crazy_Daze at 12:48 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • At least he realizes he is being used. Since they both got only one gift last year, what's wrong with that? At least they got something. Your Dad can do whatever he wants to do, just because they are spoiled brats doesn't mean they are going to be like that the rest of their lives. They need to grow up!
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:56 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I think they are wrong, and your mom kinda for sidding ith them. you need the extra help why cant they see that. see things and situations like this frustrate me when it comes to people wanting things. shame on yoru siblings for not be more understanding of your situation.
    marinewife0311

    Answer by marinewife0311 at 7:00 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • 1. Did they TELL you they were mad and that they felt this way?
    2. It's not your problem. it's theirs. you just love them, try! and love your mom & dad, and kids! Live fully. Let them be that way.
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 7:27 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • They are both adults now. They have control of their feelings and motives. It is not your fault nor your kids'. Both sides (your siblings and your dad) could make a better effort to communicate with each other and develop stronger relationships. They should meet halfway. Sounds like your siblings are using him, but, sad to say, this is becoming the norm nowadays. I have 3 sons and a daughter, all grown. My daughter is 23 and still lives at home. I love her to death, but she constantly hurts me. She's only nice when she wants something, too. Unfortunately, because we're parents, we allow this kind of treatment. They are immature and hopefully some day they will come to their senses.
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:57 AM on Jan. 22, 2011