Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Does it get any easier?

Ok i know some one will have a answer. I gave my baby girl up for adoption in jan of 2009. Its been almost 2yrs now. And her birthday is coming up and i really just wish i could sleep the day away but its so hard to do. I feel like ill never quit feeling sad and depressed when i think of her. Can anyone tell me does it get easier or less painful???

Answer Question

Asked by irishmama0607 at 1:10 AM on Jan. 22, 2011 in Adoption

Level 4 (54 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • May i ask why you gave her up for a adoption .

    Answer by alexia_09 at 1:11 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • :) Hugs to you.  I don't have any advice so I'll bump ya! 


    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 1:12 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • i cant imagine, because i have never been in your shoes? but i think u must have did it for a reason, so just try to remind yourself of all the reasons you made that decision. & if your baby is in a loving home, be thankful for that.

    Answer by hellokitty1978 at 1:12 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • You are an incredibly strong person and I will pray for you<33

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 1:13 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • well it was only fair to her. i wanted better for her!!

    Comment by irishmama0607 (original poster) at 1:13 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I cannot tell you that it does. I imagine it would.

    However, as an adopted child, let me reassure you that your child will one day realize how grateful they are of the hard decision you made one fateful day. Because my mother gave me up, I was able to be raised by two people who were able to give me the home and education that she would have wished for me. My parents were not perfect by any means, but they taught me enough lessons so that I could be a productive citizen, proud of what I do, and capable of standing on my own two feet.

    My adoptive mother told me after I was an adult that when I was in the hospital after getting hit by a car (I literally walked right into a moving car at age 9), that all she could think about was my biological mother, and how, if i died, she would have failed her. She said she often thought of my mother, and the sacrifice she made.

    Hugs to you!!

    Answer by Busimommi at 1:15 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Oh ok i see well its gonna hurt every year on her birthday and every holiday im guessing as the years go by it will get easier im not sure never been in that kind of situation .

    Answer by alexia_09 at 1:15 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • The son I relinquished is now 41 years old so, i can honestly say I know what your pain feels like. Birthdays and Mothers' Day are usually the worst days for mothers who have relinquished. I have been in reunion with my son for 8 years.

    Whether it gets better or worse depends on several factors. I think mothers who honestly go through the grieving process with a skilled counselor are better able to heal, get to a better place and learn how to deal with their sadness and pain. If you do not acknowledge your pain, and try to hide it like so many of us did, it often gets worse. I do not believe it ever completely goes away. But, you can find ways to make it easier to manage. Therapy and grief counseling is often necessary.

    Answer by Southernroots at 2:16 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I gave my son away in 1988. In my case the pain only got worse. I'm so sorry for your loss and pain. I'm sure you were told that the pain would get better with time. You need to find a support group and preferably a therapist that specializes in adoption issies. I suggest you start in the the birthmothers group you need to grieve the loss of your child.

    Answer by onethentwins at 3:48 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Go out and celebrate on her birthday. Do something positive for yourself that makes you smile and feel good. You did the most beautiful thing in the world by giving her life and a good family. Be good to yourself and reward yourself at least on her birthday. hug

    Answer by elizabr at 8:38 AM on Jan. 22, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.