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4 Bumps

what if my man is messy?

i hate to be a nag, but the messes stress me out! i cant even come home unless it is clean. i dont think its a good enough reason to leave him, but will he ever change? we've been together 3 years and have remained solid. his clothes all over the floor is the only thing i cant stand. we have a maid who comes once a month but its not enough. i always pick up after him and its taking away time i could be doing other things. im not his mom and he needs to man up. we've talked about it numerous times and we have to the agreement that he does his laundry on tuesdays (i use to do it for him) but i decided i clean up after him way too much. he says he loves to be nagged (which is weird) but i hate to be a nag and it takes a toll on me. why cant he just help me clean the room so i can study and concentrate and do well in school? i also am the one to do the dishes, take out the trash, make the bed, change the sheets, iron all the clothes, vacuum and so on. i know i am the woman but i believe a partnership should be equal. also, his idea of "clean" is way different than mine, so when he actually does clean, its not really clean. :( im afraid it will ruin our relationship because its pretty bad. i will not put up with it for longer, i may have to kick him out or move. i dont know what to do help!

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Liz4Life

Asked by Liz4Life at 4:08 PM on Jan. 22, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,309 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Talk to him again and STRESS the fact that it is stressing you out. Just keep on him to do it otherwise I would just not be picking up after him and when he has no clean clothes or dishes to eat off of maybe he'll change. Not something I would say is worth kicking him out about.
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 4:14 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • My husbands messy too. I dont plan to change him. I knew he was a slob when we married and so I went in with open eyes. You can try to talk to him but in 3 yrs it hasnt worked, why would it now? Maybe tell him you need maid service weekly if he wants to be messy and that he would have to pay for it?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 4:18 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I tell my husband that I'm NOT his mother. If I really need help, I'll ask him something specific, like, "I'm just starting to fry the chicken. Do you think you could empty the dishwasher, so it's ready for dirty dishes after we eat?" Or "Hey honey, this load of clothes is dry. Do you want to fold them or put them away?" Works for us.

    My mother, on the other hand, hires a maid. Works for them.
    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 4:22 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I know how you feel! My husband is such a slob!! I am a SAHM so i dont mind being the one to do most the cleaning but i can have the whole place spotless and he will come home and have it wrecked in a matter of minutes! He immediately throws his jacket on the floor, pulls all the crap out of his pockets and puts it on the table instead of where it goes, leaves his shoes in the middle of the floor and will then start on the kitchen and continue to act as a tornado for the remainder of the night and so on!!! lol Im always nagging him as well...he hates it but he continues to do this anyway...its very frustrating!! Then when the house is completley wrecked...he will be the first one to mention what a wreck the house is and how stressful it is to have the house a wreck....errr makes me want to kick him!! lol Anyway Im not sure what you should do bc ive been doing this myself for 7 years but thought i would share in your pain! lol
    MyDecemberGirls

    Answer by MyDecemberGirls at 4:23 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I may be able to help you with the clothes on the floor. My DH used to leave stuff lying around everywhere, too, so I told him that I didn't care, he could clean up his way & I would clean up my way & my way meant tossing whatever I had no use for into the trash, which included his stuff. He learned to clean up after himself quickly after I tossed a few of his things. As for the way he cleans, you can't expect him to meet your standards, 'cause it won't happen, and it's just something you're going to have to learn to accept. As long as it is cleaned & you didn't have to do it, does it really matter? There are more important things in life, kwim? If you need to, draw up a chore chart for both of you & post it somewhere obvious as a reminder to make it easier for him to remember to do his chores, especially if he sees you checking off what you've done & his aren't done.
    mom2aspclboy

    Answer by mom2aspclboy at 4:28 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • let him know that you are willing to pack your things, or his things. Maybe he will have a epiphony!
    tayshu4

    Answer by tayshu4 at 4:31 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • ive made a list, im checking it twice, we're gona find our if hes naughty or nice!
    Liz4Life

    Comment by Liz4Life (original poster) at 4:48 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I agree with Liz4life re: making lists, I really think they help andchores should be shard in the home not one sided. Teach the kids as well. My 10 year old boy knows how to vacume, mop[t wash clothes and maske a few things for himself to eat (may not be perfect but we never comp[lain or pick up after him.) And re: a Grown man I would never go around and pick up stuff he leaves on the floor that is disrespectful- a floor is to walk on not to drop things on and go!
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 5:46 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

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