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His mom calls to check up on HIS kids.....i need some input

Is that the same as HIM calling? He says he gets his mother to call (which is b*llsh*t) because he doesn't want to talk to me....He hasn't called in over a week to check up on his kids, they could be dying and he wouldn't know. He says the phone works both ways, but why would I call him and tell him how my kids are? I dont think that's right...he should WANT to call and see how they are and talk to our oldest. I need some input on this ''issue''....I could care less about his mother, I didn't have sex and made a baby with her.....

 
knicole0708

Asked by knicole0708 at 4:52 PM on Jan. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 23 (17,012 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Sounds like you're dealing with a selfish, immature babydaddy, and it gets hard sometimes not to stoop to the same level. Keep asking yourself "What's best for OUR kids?" and hopefully one day you'll have the answer.

    And what about having a "heart to heart" with his mother on the telephone? Explain that you appreciate that she loves her grandkids, and that you love that she wants them in her life, but you don't understand why her son isn't the same way...

    And 2 years old IS old enough to speak on the phone with help from mom and dad. No one's expecting fluency, but as long as she can answer "yes" and "no" there isn't any reason your husband shouldn't be asking her a lot of simple questions each time he calls.

    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 5:12 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Are your kids old enough to talk on the phone to grandma or dad? If so, SHAME ON HIM for not calling.

    I'm sure you both can be adult enough to put the kids on the phone when the other parent calls, and if he thinks otherwise, let him know that you value your children enough to support a healthy relationship with their father. And if your kids bring up "daddy" in a conversation, give them the option to call him and talk to him...dial the number and let them talk or leave a message.

    GoodyBrook

    Answer by GoodyBrook at 4:58 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • He should call no his mom calling is not the same, but she is the grandma and she should be able to check in with them and have a relationship with them. Espically if her son is not stepping up how else is she going to know how they are?
    Alanaplus3

    Answer by Alanaplus3 at 5:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Even dd is 2, put her on the phone with gma. IF she asks for dad dial for her and when he answers say ___ wants to talk to you OR leave let her leave a mssg. on VM if he doesn't answer (let her listen to the vm).
    My ex and I split up when ds was 1 so I know. Little by little they will ask less and if he doesn't make sure to reach out they won't want to. BUT keep the lines open.
    I know right now there's a lot of hurt and anger. It WILL get better with time.
    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 5:06 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • don't call and tell him to call. THAT"S HIS JOB (yes I got to that pt. and at one moment in time their dad did not call for about 6 months... I just got tired of the whole thing and didn't push it). Later he started being in contact more.
    I decided it wasn't MY JOB to make sure HE keeps a relationship.... it was up to him and would ONLY call IF/WHEN the kids asked about dad.
    It gets easier as they get older and you can push more and more for it to be a child/parent relationship and not have anything to do with you.

    DO NOT call and beg him to call the kids... that makes it about you. (seriously,I know ... but it does)

    MamiJaAyla

    Answer by MamiJaAyla at 5:09 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I would just politely tell her that he can call and check on them if he is concerned about them.
    littledraz

    Answer by littledraz at 4:58 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I'm kind of on the fence with this one. If talking to you ends in an argument, then I agree it is probably best if his mom calls. But I also think if your oldest child is old enough to want to speak with him, he should call to at least talk with him/her.

    As far as if your kids were sick or dying, I would hope you would call and inform him regardless of what his actions are.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 4:59 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Sounds like he needs to grow up and need to learn to get along with you for the sake of your children
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • You need to find a way to let go of some of the hostility & find a way to work together for the sake of the kids. He needs to be a part of their lives. The kids will appreciate knowing that their parents loved them enough to both be a part of their lives & minimized the fighting for their sake. GL
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:00 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Goody - My oldest is 2, she cannot put together FULL BLOWN OUT SENTENCES lol, but she can talk and she does understand everything someone says. She answers all questions, she just doesnt know how to say things like ''yes i am fine how are you'' ...

    littledraz - How do i do that when she's calling for him? she asks about the kids, am i just supposed to say i cant tell u because if hes concerned he can call. im so confused =(

    im hurt, upset, mad, angry, and i think i hate him. he has been with his girlfriend and her SON all this past week.....WHAT ABOUT my KIDS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
    knicole0708

    Comment by knicole0708 (original poster) at 5:01 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

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