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Step kids and how to deal with them. HELP

Ok seriously I need some outsiders opinions. Ok two years ago I got into a relationship with a man I have known for years (not closley). He has been raising his daughter with the help and input of his mother and aunt. She is ten dresses like a grandma, acts like a grandma, refuses to take a bath, acts like a baby (since we have a 9 month old together), hates my three boys and me (really). I have tried for two years to get her to do things to better herself and she just boycotts them tells his family that I think shes fat since I will not let her eat a large pizza and we practice portion controll, I think shes nasty since I tell her to bathe and wear deodorant and a bra every day. i have tried now her mother is seeing her two days a month and it is getting worse. She is 10 weights 185 pounds wears a size 16 in womans has started her period and does not bathe during this time so she smells plus the sweat. she is doing bad in school so I finally talked him into having her evaluated for A D D and at the doctors office she begins telling them how she sees a bloody knife hears a woman screaming and a phone ringing often. I ALMOST DIED!!! Then after reading the forms that her teacher and I filled out about excessive lying he brushed it off. Seriously no one close to this child can see the damage they have done to her the kids at school make fun of her and she still does these things. HELP should I run?????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Jan. 22, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (11)
  • No don't run she needs you. Try having a you and her day, take her shopping, take her to get her hair done. Talk about how much of a lady she is becoming and things ladies have to do. She's also at that age where she is starting to hate everything so just try to remind her she is wanted by YOU and her Dad. GL
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 8:14 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • This is her father's responsibility, not yours. I'm a stepmom, I know. You should back off. I'm sorry I know that's not what you want to hear, but I've been at this alot longer than you. You can't take over with this child, there is no way at her age she will take kindly to it. You can encourage her and try to help her and be there for her, but you can't do the things you are doing. If its too much for you, maybe you should run because its not going to get easier any time soon. What does her father think in all this?
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 8:14 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Oh WOW!  I don't know what I would do in this situation but I would seriously suggest family counceling!

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 8:14 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Where are you going to run to? Talk to the nurse at school. Be sure to do it in a non-condemning manner. This girl needs help and love. She is too young to blame.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 8:22 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Oh I do not blame her I blame the mother for walking off and not being active, I blame her father for just letting it get to this point, I blame the Grandmother and Aunt for molding her into this person. She is a bright young girl with serious issues. I just have to fight him to get anything done for her benefit. She has been doing very bad in school for over a year and I just now got im talked into the eval for A D D. The stress and aggervation of mainly the family are why I want to walk raway, but then I think you know if noone else is going to fight for this poor girl I need to, I am positive with her and have never called her fat or nasty. I just put portion controll in action, letting her eat two pieces of pizza instead of six and waiting an hour and if she is still hungry a small snack but this is a rare happening be cause she is full. and I will say you need to get your stuff and get in the showe
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:38 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • Also I have tried to get her father to put her in counciling but her father is afraid of the lies she will come up with.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:41 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • If she is so overweight, you may have to cut out the junk food in the home for a while. I understand you have other children but you can't have it in the home and not let her eat it. I would also start a chart for her using her favorite thing to do as rewards. For every day she showers, wears a bra and deoderant, she gets a certain amount of him watching tv, going on the computer ect. This may help but make sure dad is on board with it
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 8:48 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • We cut out the junk food we buy but cleaning her room the other day I discovered her stash hidden in her room that the grandma and aunt have bought her and snuck in.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:55 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • You need to get her into a psychiatrist. Everything she is doing is to push people away from her. If she lets you get close, she's afraid you'll leave her too just like her mom. Are you & dad married? If so, then you have parental rights & can take her to counseling. A medical dr cannot diagnose mental problems. They are not educated in that field beyond basics that were required for their degree. Any drugs they prescribe for mental disorder, they do so with the "knowledge" from the sales rep. Diagnostic checklists are provided by the big pharma.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 9:33 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I know how you feel mama. I have a sd that lies lies lies and I am the only one out of her whole family who has really tried to help her, everyone else has really rejected her, or done stuff to go against what i am trying to do for her. You need help, for you! I know I felt so much better when I made an appointment with my sd's counselor for myself and she helped me through a lot. I don't even know what to tell you, my sd is 17 and i am still up to my ears in it. I want out. I want her to go live with her mom but her mom won't even take her. SAD! But I don't blame her mom either cuz she is a single mom and has a horrible time dealing with it too, and just bales instead, which messes her daughter up even more for me.
    K well my answer turned into a vent lol sorry. Get help. Good luck.
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 11:11 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

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