Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

Sick during visits?

Ok I have a friend going through this and I would love to get opinions. Her son is 9 and her and her ex are not together. The have court ordered visitation and he goes to his dad's house every othe weekend plus one day during the week they also have shared custody. Well, last week he was supposed to go to his dad house but he had been sick that week. He was still contagous but was feeling better and wanted to go to his dad's house (the last weekend he was supposed to be there, his dad canceled because he and the SM went on their aniversary trip and he hadn't gone the day during the week because he had been too sick so in the past month, he had spent 2 days after school with his dad) . When she dropped her son off at his dad's house the SM answered the door. She said "oh no, he is not coming over here sick, I have other children". Now I should mention my friend also has children about the same age. She told the SM that the dad knew he was sick and didn't call to cancel so, naturally, she brought him over. The SM threw a fit and wouldn't let the child in the house (the dad wasn't there yet). She called the dad and left a message saying that this isn't babysitting time this is parental visitation. Why is it ok for the child to be with one parent while he is sick but not the other? I was sad because her son felt so unwelcome in his father's home. I agree with her ( with the exception of cases where the child is too sick to get out of bed or is so sick they don't want to go). Why should the dad and SM get half the holdiays, half the weekends but yet never take care of the child when he is sick, especially when the child wants to be there.

Answer Question

Asked by JLS2388 at 8:41 PM on Jan. 22, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • I agree. This is his child NOT a daycare client. Sick or not they both have responsiblity. And by that I mean the stepmom too. I know she doesn want her kids to be sick but thats not a priority right now. I could see menengitis for god sakes but hes just sick. He is his fathers son and should see him when he can. Though she is the wife this is not her son. If its his turn to be with his son and he agrees then she should stay the eff out. I would find out if she is like this with him on a regular basis. If shes a mean and nasty person then Id tell your friend to talk to her sons father or shell take him back to court

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:49 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • And your friend needs to tell her sons father to have better communication skills. If SM acted like this then she didnt know about it to begin with. It seems to be a problem with them more than it is with your friend

    Answer by Steph319 at 8:54 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • I agee. I also feel like as HE is the father not the SM, she doesn't have the right to say that he can't come over, sick or not

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 8:56 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • My step son lives with us and his mother has done this to him before not letting him come over because he was sick but its ok for him to go over there when her other children are contagiously sick. Not fair to him. Either way.

    Answer by aheuszel at 8:58 PM on Jan. 22, 2011

  • That's ridiculous.

    The only time we have never not had my stepchildren (we have 50/50) was when my youngest was first home from the hospital. He was a preemie, and my youngest SS had step throat. We couldn't take the chance of the baby being exposed, he had already spent 2 weeks in the NICU.

    Answer by Scuba at 9:48 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Scuba, having had a preemie myself, I can certainly understand that. And if the mom couldn't then that is ridculous.

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:08 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Ok, I have been in this situation. I have 5 kids, my DH has one that we have every other weekend. If she is puking, she can keep her ass home, I am not going to be cleaning up barff and having my other kids get sick...that is just rude. Plus, if you are sick, you need to be at home with your mommy. Now, having said that...if he is just a bit under the weather that is different.

    Answer by salexander at 9:47 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Slexander, If she needs her mommy when she is sick, then she needs her mommy all the time. If your DH is willing to be a parent when she is sick, then he shouldn't get her when she is not. Do you send your children somewhere else when one is sick so as not to get the others sick? Why should her mom or other sibllings get sick when she should be with her dad? Visitation is not daycare it is parenting and part of parenting is dealing with a sick child.

    Comment by JLS2388 (original poster) at 10:25 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.