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my son's father has been having an overnight guest? How do I deal with this??

My son is 4 and his dad has been seeing his new girlfriend for 2 weeks my son has known her for 1 and she has been staying the night since she first meet him. How do I cope with this? Is there anything I can do about it? Does anyone know a book or website that talks about what this might be doing to him?


Asked by CMead02 at 9:03 PM on Nov. 13, 2008 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • my ex and i made an agreement to not bring the people we are dating around the kids unless we believe it is serious. it's hard cause small kids won't tell you if something bad is going on. nip it at the butt. talk to your sons dad and see if he is willing to make an agreement so you BOTH are at ease about the well being of your son. separation of parents is all about comprimise and what's fair for the child. you don't want your son to get attached either and then the girl leaves. it's not good for children to have that instability.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 AM on Nov. 14, 2008

  • If he is discreet, he is not doing anything to your son. As for you coping with it, if you are divorced, you just have to deal with it. Be an adult. Unless your son is exhibiting behaviors that are unacceptable after being with his father, then don't worry about it. You didn't say whether your son lives with his father or just visits say every other week-but if he just visits every so often, depending on your relationship with his father, you might ask him to not have "overnight" guests while your son is there. However, if your request is only because YOU don't like it, he may not be too receptive. I know I sound hateful, I honestly don't intend it that way.

    Answer by kate3937 at 9:12 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • i personally think your ex is making a poor choice to expose your child to this situation. i think it's unhealthy and i'm sure the experts would agree. the only problem is unless your custody/visitation agreement states something regarding these matters, there's not much you can do.

    are you able to talk to your ex? could you ask him if he'd have his guest when your son is with you or at least wait until your son is asleep before she comes over and leaves before he gets up?

    Answer by pugpin at 9:13 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • if it's a kind and loving relationship then it won't hurt the child.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:14 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • I'm not sure if they have a loving relationship. I lost full custody because I had a bad attorney that said me moving out of state would not affect my case and well it did so now my son lives with his father. I do know that we broke up because he was very abusive mentally and phsyically. His mother put a restraining order on him as well for his abusiveness.

    Answer by CMead02 at 9:21 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • Can't you move back to the state where your child is and at least apply for some kind of joint custody? It seems to me if he's been abusive to even his own mother, his child is fair game also.

    Answer by pugpin at 9:26 PM on Nov. 13, 2008

  • My daughter lives with me but goes to her dads every other weekend an he has a gf an i hate it but i tell my daughter all the time to tell me if his gf his being mean to her. I hate it but theres nothing i can do about it because i cant controle who he dates an we have joint custody.

    Answer by Trinismom2008 at 11:20 PM on Nov. 13, 2008