here i find myself seeking online help, something completely out the norm. I love my husband, we have been married for about 5 years now and we have a daughter that is 2 1/2. I have issues that were never really resolved before we got married like the fact that he used to cheat on me, since being married i dont think that he has cheated but he has also not been givin the oppertunity until recently. (he is in the military just recently deployed). He has never really stood up for me when it really counted like when his mom ignores what i say when it comes to OUR daughter; that's just one example there are so many more. I have been begging him to go to marriage counseling for years, he always says no that he is happy. well... IM NOT! I havent been for years yet he doesnt seem to care. I have done everything for this man and i feel like if we did not have a child together i would have left years ago.
I recently found a very recent picture that was taken of him feeding another woman his food while at work. This truly tore me up yet at the same time I felt like I should have known better and I should have expected this kind of act from him. Needless to say trust is an issue now if it wasnt before. He said it was just a picture and nothing ever happened but how do i know? I guess I never truly can.
Now, my vows mean everything to me... at least they did and I am ALWAYS against leaving a person while they are deployed. I just feel like I should be missing him and I dont. I feel like his unwillingness to work on us for so long has truly taken its toll on me.
he says he will do anything to make me happy(now that I told him im not sure where we will be when he returns) but how do i know he is serious when he is so far away and cant actually do what i want now (counseling) how do I know that when he gets back he will still do anything? I guess i sit and wait? I just don't know what to do. I feel like it is already over, I feel like i'm just afraid my daughter wont know her dad if we divorce and I think i am just scared that since I have been a stay at home mom for so long that he will take my daughter from me because I cannot support her finacially. That would crush my world. She is EVERYTHING to me. Now I have recently done something so out of character for me and I dont feel bad about it.( I am sure you can figure out what it was that i did.) isnt that a sign that it is over? I mean i feel bad that it happened with him deployed but i am pretty sure it would have happened even if he wasnt. thas was truly a one time thing and its not like I have moved on to be emotionally involved with anyone. that is not even something i want or need right now.
I realize I may get some harsh responses here after stating he is military and what I did, but I am hoping for help. i am so lost and confused. I dont know if divorce is right or if i should wait and see if he is serious about counseling and we try that first. I just kind of feel like its too late.
so online forum users, What is your advice?
Asked by Anonymous at 12:37 AM on Jan. 23, 2011 in Relationships
You need to get a divorce. You are looking for other options outside of your marriage. You should just walk away. As for your child find a job and show that you can support her. I doubt you would lose custody of her. You will probably have to share custody with him. Ask yourself this do you honestly think that you can make amends with your marriage? Your vows have been broke. Can your marriage be fixed? Well that is all up to you and our husbands. He needs to know the truth. Don't let years pass between the two of you that will cause you to resentment him even more. Ultimately you have to be the one that makes the decision for your own self. Best of luck.
Answer by sheer_heart at 12:48 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by beyondhopes at 12:54 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by Raine2001 at 12:56 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by harris4 at 1:05 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by harris4 at 1:06 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 3:15 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by heartsicksiren at 3:27 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by Scuba at 9:15 AM on Jan. 23, 2011
Answer by sarchasmicangel at 1:48 PM on Jan. 23, 2011