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4 Bumps

How much do you weigh your SO's opinions in making decisions?

My job is moving across country and I can go with it. My job will pay to move me cross country. I am almost 7 months pregnant and this probably would not occur until summer. My BF does not want to go but doesn't really have a good reason other than he doesn't want to, his suggestions was to take a severence pkg and go to school. He does have a daughter that is in the same state we are in and he gets to see her about once a week, but he really didn't bring that up as a reason he doesn't want to move. Also He does not make enough for us to live on comfortable and the severence pkg would keep us a float for about 5 months. I will not be able to find a job with benefits or pay as great as my current one. Do I stay and suffer for the greater good or go and leave him here if it comes to that?

Answer Question

Asked by Ebonie83 at 1:16 AM on Jan. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 5 (88 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Are you pregnant with his child and willing to move that far away without his approval? Yea, i think you are in the wrong. My fiance and I have equal say in the decision making that effects BOTH of our lives. It's about compromise and sometimes sacrafice.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 1:25 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • That's a tough call. I could never ever leave my husband for all the money in the world but we've been married a while and I just couldn't live without him. We share a life and we will till this life is over.

    It doesn't sound like that's the case with you two, though. Maybe you're just not at that level of committment and that's totally ok. Everyone's different.

    You just have to weigh the pros and cons for you and your baby. I'd imagine (even though he didn't mention it) it'd be hard for him to leave his daughter, though if you move, he'll have to be apart from his second child. I think if you really love him, you'll try to work it out so you can stay. But again, whatever's best for you and your baby.

    Answer by EwansMommy at 1:29 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I am pregnant with his child. I'm all for compromise but he is not giving me a real reason other than he doesn't want to and that to me seems unfair and selfish on his part. Giving up my job just leaves our future uncertain and i'm not really comfotable with that especially with a newborn

    Comment by Ebonie83 (original poster) at 1:31 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • If you don't plan on staying with him...then by all means leave, because you will end up being a single mom if you make this move by yourself.

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 1:33 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • If you move then you may lose your bf and if you stay you may not have a good job....I see the dilemma. It's a hard decision because either way there's going to be some sacrifice most likely. If it were me I would try to stay somehow, but if you simply can't then try to see if he can visit you sometimes I guess. Is this job move permanent?


    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 2:24 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • The way the economy is today, and u make good money, with insurance to boot? Do u get to keep insurance for awhile after u leave your current job? As much as I would hate it, I would have to move. If he can't get a good paying job with beneifits, I think u will be making a mistake, and u always wonder if u made the right choice in staying there, then u have to think of the baby and u also might end up having to get assistence from the state if your SO doesn't make enough to cover the baby well checks, the shots they need for immunity from the chicken pocks and ect. Then u have to buy formula, diapers, then later baby food. Does your SO make good enough money for this? Does he have good med coverage? If u do get another job, u will not, or at least I didn't, want to go back to work right away. Look up info were u will be moving to, gets points of interests get him thinking. He confesses to love u, why does he hold u back?

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:41 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Im sorry to all the other women if it sounded like I was being harsh or rude, or I don't understand. You should be think of your childs wefare first and for most. You both should sit down get a pirece of paper, write the pro and cons as why u should move or not. Bring up all I said in the last post. Since he has a child already, he should know how expensive children can be. U said u had until summer. You can suggest to him if he gets a good job with good pay and benefits, then maybe decide to stay there. With this move, do u get a raise with it to? If I was u, I would seriously consider everything and all the choices u have, so u can go into the future assured that u made the possible decison u could in these circumstances.

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:51 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • This is a big decision and it requires more in-depth discussion than "I don't want to".  You need to sit down together and make a list of all the pros and cons of moving and staying.


    Answer by beeky at 6:44 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • "I don't want to" isn't a valid excuse. In this economy, you really need to look at how best to take care of your child. It doesn't sound like you are going to be in a very good financial position if you stay. If the company you are with is offering to move you across country, it must be a pretty good job - what are the chances of getting the same type of job in your area? It sounds like your SO is being very selfish. I would seriously consider moving without him, it really is about you taking care of the baby, not his unfounded excuses.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:46 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • You aren't married- go.

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 10:19 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

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