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she has a bio father, but dad is no where to be seen, what do i tell her-i feel guilt!

daughter is three and a half
we left his house last last fall
he has visited two times, i took her up there the day after Christmas
he has not called or emailed since

she has delayed speech for her age, but still says
"where daddy?"
sometimes she plays and makes one of the toys daddy

this breaks my heart
I feel guilty, i can not make him care enough to visit once in a while or even call to see how she is
he is not healthy enough to take her without me supervising (therapy suggested and i agree) we were never married, so in this state-mom has all rights until court, and he is not trying for any

i feel so guilty, i feel i should date to find a father for her, not because i need a man for me

anyone been there, what to do, how do i feel less


Asked by Anonymous at 9:22 AM on Jan. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Playing is the way children learn to understand or cope with a playing it out with her dad is a good thing. It can help channel her feelings and get them out in a safe way.

    You shouldn't feel guilty...I know that is easier said than done because us mothers feel guilty about everything, but you can't make someone care enough even if it is her biological dad. I would be honest with her and tell her in simple terms - as she gets older and starts to really understand your words it will be much easier to deal with.

    Just do what you can to support your child through those horrible times when she asks where he is by telling her simply and playing with her if thats what she needs to run through the situation.

    I hope you can accept this situation for what it is - it isn't your fault.

    Answer by keyaziz at 10:27 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I know it's tough...went thru that myself but don't go out looking for a "daddy" for the long run that won't help either of you. You can't make her bio dad do anything and it sucks. Have you filed for child support, or does his pay anything to help you out? Go to court and get things in order like a visitation schedule...if he doesn't stick to it then cut your losses. I understand that you're concerned about her and want to make her happy but if her dad doesn't really want to put forth the effort then just cut your ties. At her age you can just tell her that you don't know where daddy is. It's not a great answer but you can't tell her that he doesn't want to see her. Make sure you give her enough love and attention to make up for the lack of his! Good luck!


    Answer by how_reb at 9:34 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I don't think the right thing would to go out there and find a father for her, but find a father FIGURE for her. I come from a home where I was born and raised by my mother. I do not know my father, so my advice to you is to let her know who he is, and what the deal is, when she gets older, because right now she will not understand. I am so sorry you and DD are going through this, i'm going through the same thing w/ my dd's. Don't feel quilty, it's nothing you can do, men are scum bags, and the ''men'' who choose to up and leave while they have a responsibility, as in a precious child, is a low life. In the end, you will get all of the rewards of being a single momma, while he will regret it down the road, trust me. Try & keep DD occupied when she wants to talk to her & if it doesnt help, i would call his phone, and put her on the phone, and when there done talking, just simply hang up or let her leave a voicemail.

    Answer by knicole0708 at 9:35 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • get a skype?
    same boat for my kids their father is just not interested to be in their lives.... im just being honest with them or i'll change the subject. as for finding someone for her it 's hard ... best of luck n hugs at least shes got you!

    Answer by miritrose at 9:43 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • my daughter is 15 yrs and her father hasnt been in her life very much. It is very hard on the child but I feel the best route to go is being honest with the child.

    I dont think going to find a "father" for her is the best option either. You just be the best mother you can for her.

    Answer by mandynjohnsmom at 11:49 AM on Jan. 23, 2011