Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

3 yr old daughter screams when being left with father..

A friend of mine who i s not with her daughters father find herself in this situation. His own mother witnessed this and is concerned. she lefted the child with the father today to go to work and heard the child crying and screaming. The child was screaming to the father :i dont like ou" and begging the mother to stay home. The mother reached work and can still hear the child crying. the father has been constantly accusing the mother of abusing the chils and accuses teh mothers whole family. He called dss at one point and they realize his claims were bogus, . he called police at some point they came to the house and saw the child is well taken care of. Whenever the mother leaves the child with her family or his mother or even an emergency daycare teh child is ok and does not act out in this manner.. Do you think the father is abusing teh child and accusing the mother because he is doing it?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:35 AM on Jan. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • I wouldn't automatically jump to any conclusions but I would make sure that is certainly not what's happening.  I would take her to the Dr. make sure physically that nothing has happened.  I find it odd that he screamed abuse when she is screaming like this only when with HIM.  I would definitely check into it.  In the meantime, no my daughter would not go over there until I found out what is actually going on.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 10:42 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • yes. he is trying to everyone to look at someone else as the abuser so he doesn't look guilty. never ever not believe your child. their instincts are more intact sometimes then some adults. get her away from the father.
    lambdarose

    Answer by lambdarose at 10:44 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • It's possible. Please urge her to look into this and protect the child
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 10:48 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • No that would not be the conclusion that I would jump to. I would lean more towards separation anxiety which does not have to occur with every person a child is left with. She could be find with grandparents, childcare and just not so with her father.
    Melbornj

    Answer by Melbornj at 10:50 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Children are mirror. It is not evident the father abuse the child. IF the mom or the people around her talk about the father like he is bad man than the child can mirror them and tell to her dad 'I hate you'. She can be scared because the mom and her family suggest her 'daddy is not safe'. And daddy doesn't live with them so he is turning to a stranger anyway. Loads of time parents have no idea what are they doing only with their words in their children's life. Whatever they say the child will copy. So before they accuse the father with anything it would be nice to look into themselves. Maybe the father accuse them with abusing because he can see the strange behaviour of his daughter against him. So he think the child is being abused because of the behaviour change. So before the mother goes any further with accusing she has to find out what does the kid mirror...

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 10:50 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • adriennfaklya 2....

    I understand what you are saying. What I think is the father is very forceful and verbally abusive to the mother and shows signs that he can be phyiscally abusive and the child is always a witness to this. Whenever the mother is hurt the child ask if "daddy hurt you" the child is always screaming on her own "dont hurt my mommy"
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:55 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • 2. If there is any evidence the father abuse the child than go for the doctor and the counsellor. But if this behaviour is only because they talk about the like like he is a bad person than they can save loads of bad hours for their daughter and themselves if they just start to talk about the dad as a good person. Children can hear and understand everything. And they adjust everything in their world. Loads of people think children can't understand anything so they talk in front of them. But it is not true they don't understand. They do. And they have their answers. Grown-up should learn about children more:( Poor kiddo.

    adriennfaklya

    Answer by adriennfaklya at 10:56 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • adriennfaklya ...

    did you read my response? The mother is constantly trying to make good with the father. She chooses him among all other people to watch the child because she feels the child should spend time with the father. It isnt about mirroring the mother. How about the child seeing the father be abusive to the mother. Is the child still mirroring the mother or SEEs and FEARS the father for what she SEES and not what she HEARS.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:58 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Children are mirror. It is not evident the father abuse the child. IF the mom or the people around her talk about the father like he is bad man than the child can mirror them and tell to her dad 'I hate you'. She can be scared because the mom and her family suggest her 'daddy is not safe'. And daddy doesn't live with them so he is turning to a stranger anyway. Loads of time parents have no idea what are they doing only with their words in their children's life. Whatever they say the child will copy. So before they accuse the father with anything it would be nice to look into themselves. Maybe the father accuse them with abusing because he can see the strange behavior of his daughter against him. So he think the child is being abused because of the behaviour change. So before the mother goes any further with accusing she has to find out what does the kid mirror...
    i agree..
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 11:00 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • even if the mother is trying to make nice with the daddy doesnt mean she doesnt hear bad and evil things about the father. I hated my father because my mother said lies about him and so did other family members. come to find out there is nothing wrong with my dad at all. he is the most loving understanding father i know.. it was just mom being spiteful and hateful..
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 11:02 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN