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2 Bumps

An usual relationship with your brother.. (who's autistic)

Okay so, i'm having a little boy basically ANY day now. And previously my brother (who's autistic) (yet, he has his license, graduated highschool and college, and works everyday at a legit job).. Told me months ago that if my son would call him DaDa he would let him. Immediately i got really nervous. Being that my son isn't his father nor will he ever be.. (not trying to be harsh). He constantly throws these little fits on how i didn't choose him to be the God Father, I chose my closest cousin who's been through everything with me.. He tells me I never call him unless I need something. For example last Friday the family was at my grandmothers celebrating her 69th Birthday party. And since he stepped in the door he was in a horrible mood. Responding to my grandma's questions trying to make sure everything's okay with "MHM" or "Whatever". Like a 2 year old. Then he'd say "Oh no, i shouldn't be like this..". Then ten minutes later he'd do the same thing. Basically all through out my pregnancy he's tried to basically put himself as my father's son which will never happen. He's told me if i wasn't his sister he'd marry me, which kind of freaked me out also. He tells me how he watches porn and how "bad he is". And sends me forward messages with boobs and penis' in them. Which is just in general not something he should be sending his sister. I've told my grandma about this but she's a typical grandmother and made the excuse that he doesn't have a girlfriend, and he doesn't have anyone to talk to.. da da da. So, I need some serious advice on this because i'm going absolutely nuts. I stressed to him that i did NOT want anyone at the hospital besides my dad and grandma the first day my son is born. (mainly because he'll try to spend ALL the time with my son).. And another thing that erks me is how he holds my cousin's 5 month old baby and stares at me like "Look what i'm doing!!! see see see!!". Maybe i'm being to cruel.. I don't know, i just need some advice!

Thankyou in advance(:

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sbushman13011

Asked by sbushman13011 at 10:54 AM on Jan. 23, 2011 in Relationships

Level 7 (167 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • Sweetie, that's not ok. He must be high-functioning, and he should absolutely know that his behavior is inappropriate. Does he receive counseling? He needs to understand that your child isn't his, and sending you pictures of porn is not ok. Have you had that conversation with him? If not, it may be time to tell him in no uncertain terms the level of behavior you will and will not tolerate.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 10:58 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • He does not receive counseling, but he found a church he likes to go to which he finds theraputic. Yes, he is high-functioning. And i don't know how to tell him without him taking it completely out of proportion. Me and my grandma have discussed asking him to go to a therapist or get medicated for bipolar disorder.
    sbushman13011

    Comment by sbushman13011 (original poster) at 11:02 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I agree with Scuba, that is exactly what I was thinking.  This behavior is not acceptable and it makes you uncomfortable.  I would have a sit down conversation with him and someone that you trust and ask him to go to therapy. 

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:12 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • If he is anything like my son who has Asperger's my guess is he has no idea what he is saying is not appropriate. Fatherhood is obviously something he has thought about and wants but isn't sure how to accomplish, relationship wise, I am sure he knows where babies come from, that isn't what I mean. He has created a connection in his mind I can't tell you how. I don't know how my son make half the connections he makes but for one reason or another it makes perfect sense to him. You need to sit down with him and explain that yes, he would make a great father but that your baby is not his baby. That you also think he is going to make an amazing uncle who can teach this baby many cool things. An how happy you are that your baby can have an uncle like him. Explain to him that you picked who you picked to be the God-Parent because you couldn't pick everyone. You want your child and him to have a Awesome uncle/nephew relationship
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 11:17 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • He needs counseling, there is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling, he's the one in the wrong. Let him know that you won't be putting up with this behavior anymore and that your child is your own. I would set the boundaries before your child arrives.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 11:21 AM on Jan. 23, 2011

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