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2 Bumps

I'm a bitch. How dare I not see things from his point of view.

Dh and I had an argument about the same subject yet again. It never gets resolved. Just put on the back burner. When I bring it up dh says, "Damn we on this again. Thought we already talked about this." YES we did TALK about it, but it was NEVER DEALT WITH.

The problem is Dh was two stepping. One minute he's excited that I am going back to school, but then he adds a dumb ass comment. "When you get your degree don't forget about home. You got a husband and kids. If you gon be working like a hog at least call and order dinner. Don't forget to take care of home." Um okay.

Dh is only one bringing in an income. I rarely ever spend money on myself. I just bought a new shirt, pants, and 2 pairs of shoes (totaling 36.00) 2 weeks ago. The last time I bought new clothes? It was a shirt when I was pregnant with DD ( a year ago). I take care of the household. I make sure everyone else is taken care of.

Anyway, there are things that dh does not do that I THOUGHT he should be doing. I THOUGHT that because we laid down and had kids together that he would share in the diaper changing, the feedings, the discipline , etc..

Wrong. Dh has left kids in poopy diapers while I slept, or while I was out at the store. He won't change a diaper. Giving the baby a bath..no. Making the kids clean up after themselves..no.

He wants a wife who works and takes care of his and the kids every need.

Ladies I am tired. I have been doing this since before I had my own kids. I raised my little brother and sister. I have been dealing with babies/kids since I was 10. He knows this.

When I bring it up(his not helping), he tells me, "For thousands of years the man went out and worked and the woman stayed home taking care of the kids and the house. Thats just how it is."

Okay fine. But let me get this straight. You want me to go to school, get a job and bring in another paycheck (which i'm cool with), then you also want me to take care of you and the kids and the house? But when I tell YOU to practice what you preach you tell me thats not right? How is it okay for you to treat me like a mule but it's not okay for you to be treated this way?

I'm close to snapping. I'm still going to go to school. Because I honestly do not believe my marriage is going to last much longer and I want to be able to provide for my children when he and I split.

Am I wrong to feel so, just lost, and angry and sad?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Jan. 23, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • You're not wrong. I'm about to finish school *hopefully* I won't need an extension. When I started I was promised he'd help. That "help" happened a total of 4 times and even then while he was supposed to be watching them he slept, took the kids outside and spent the whole time on his phone not interacting with them, or got on skype. I think I'm supposed to be doing school so I can work and make our lives better so help a little and don't be so concerned about talking on your phone, drinking with your buddies or doing stuff for everyone else. I know he works but I'm asking for an hour here and there so I have no interruptions while I'm doing school work. I get 3 times the amount done when I'm not stopping to change diapers, cook a meal, referee a fight.

    I know how it is to be tired and sad. I'm there too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • If you are working then he should step up and help out, if you have to do it all, why even have him around?
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 3:01 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Nope I think your justified in feeling upset. He needs to be helping you out. Asking you to work and do all the housework AND take care of the kids with zero help is selfish. Plain and simple.
    myree85

    Answer by myree85 at 3:02 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I agree with scoutmom. If you are doing everything anyway, what do you need him for? Do the school thing and keep letting him know how you feel. If you get a job and he doesn't step up then you might have to look at kicking him out. GL with everything.
    kmath

    Answer by kmath at 3:05 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I agree with scoutmom and kmath as well, he should also be helping out NOW! you are going to school and being a mom, thats hard work. You deserve a break sometimes too!! Best of luck. I know I wouldnt last in a relationship like that!
    kiansmom0423

    Answer by kiansmom0423 at 3:09 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • You have every right to feel the way you do. And use him financially tell you can finish school and get a job. So you can leave his sorry ass. If you have to do it all alone. Might as well be alone then( no DH).
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 3:06 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • No! honey you are not wrong,but I have to ask, did you know all of this going in? I think you are really smart to be thinking ahead, try to finish school. It sounds like you have one foot out the door already,any chance of counseling? There are too many issues going on to do it alone,(just my opinion) Good Luck honey!
    linsey1001

    Answer by linsey1001 at 3:23 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I can"t stop! This guy would get his head and his suitcase handed to him on the way out the door!!
    linsey1001

    Answer by linsey1001 at 3:31 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • ok, I agree that people can only do so much, and I don't think you should take care of everyone else's every need, whether you work outside the home or not.

    but, here's my question:
    "For thousands of years the man went out and worked and the woman stayed home taking care of the kids and the house. Thats just how it is."
    sounds like the writing is on the wall. That's how he feels. He behavior has made it clear how he feels about it.

    so what make you think he was going to behave differently? though I agree with you that he should help out more, I wouldn't assume that he will do so.
    If you want to leave him that's up to you, but either way I'd do what I could to make sure the kid's needs were taken care of when you won't be there.
    doesn't sounds like caveman Daddy is going to do it.
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 3:33 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • no your not wrong. i agree you should get your shit in order just incase.
    proudmom611

    Answer by proudmom611 at 6:33 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

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