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Is this a never ending battle?? need advice w/df& sd.

So my sd moved in w/us 6 months ago, she just turned 15. I love her to death but it is getting to the point to where i wish she moved back in w/her mother because she wont help w/any chores at home, & i know she is at the age to where you have to ask her to do things , just like any other teen but when i tell df i get no support from him,for example i do all the cooking, sweep twice a day n do the mopping& clean the restroom. She just sits on the sofa w/the laptop& daddys cell texting at the same time, we all get home at 6pm m-fri& right away she gets on & wont get off till about 10pm, on weekends she wakes at about 10am& can stay on all damn day & night& wont even offer to clean, if i sweep by she just moves her legs so i can swep underneath them, on weekends at times she will wash dishes after i have asked her& after they have been piled up all day, this morning they were all dirty from last night, i was fixing to sweep& do a load of laundry, df was going to cook breakfast& i told him that she needed to wash them& he sd no that he was i got upset & told him that she needs to learn that in this house she has chores, im sick n tired i just feel like leaving him because of this, i feel as if im just their maid, i do tell her myself& she just says okay but im tired that if i need help to keep my house clean i need to ask for help, she told my niece that she knows she has to clean but that she just not used to that, so that means she knows she has to but wont.im always mad & yelling here and they both just stay quiet,df starts to help but in a bitchy way.Im just tired of this.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Jan. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • i would tell him if it doesn't change she is going back, or you moving away! i do everything around my house also, im a stay at home, but i also have new baby, and a 5 yr old. i have make my 5 yr old pick up his stuff, and i have also threatened to leave if my dh is too lazy to do anything. i understand that he works all the time, but seriously? dealing with these two is a full time job also. i tell him if he wants it done faster or better, do it himself! it gets the point across. the teen needs to help out also. i would take the battery out of the computer and hide it. don't tell where it is until things are done that need to be. why is she on the computer all day anyways? and the cell phone? i would tell her and him until she can pay for her own, wether it be from a job, or helping around the house, she doesnt need one. that would piss me off! good luck!
    mama2bof2

    Answer by mama2bof2 at 9:06 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I think there needs to be a new sheriff in town! You need to insist that she start helping and does her "chores" before she is allowed to use her phone, computer, games, etc. Give her specific daily chores and tell her that since she lives in your home, she lives by your rules. Take her "toys" and let her have them back when she has finished her chores. Be very consistent and she will get the picture that she needs to help out. If you follow through, she will learn responsibility and respect for you. Do not allow df to undermine your efforts. Take a stand and take it now or she will be like all the other kids who go out into life with absolutely no skills to fall back on.
    neebug3766

    Answer by neebug3766 at 5:22 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • She will, undoubtedly, say that you don't own her things and cannot take them away from her. You will need to insist that she hand them over as soon as she walks in the door or she is grounded. Every day, she has to give them to you and you have control until she has finished her chores. It will blow your mind how quickly she will get them done so that she can get back to texting! She will probably act like she hates you at first, but eventually she will come to appreciate discipline and routine. So many kids are lacking those very two things from their parents and those are the very things they need to succeed in life.

    Just a warning: If you follow through with this, don't go control crazy on her and don't expect her to do all the housework as you have. Give her a few chores, that's it. She does them, she gets rewarded, she doesn't, she gets punished (grounding, not having her stuff).
    neebug3766

    Answer by neebug3766 at 5:29 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • sound like a vacation somehwere warm with out the family for relaxing time would be a wonderful way to get away from the situation. Maybe while you are gone and they are there alone they will see their faults and shape up.
    Aries46845

    Answer by Aries46845 at 5:24 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I would make a chore chart and pot it on the refrigerator. Include everyone (DH too!).

    Have a family conversation to discuss the chart and let it be.
    AdrianaS

    Answer by AdrianaS at 5:44 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I was thinking about leaving him, honestly df & sd cant handle being on their own, i do everything here.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:46 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Then leave him. DF and SD will learn how to stand on their own two feet eventually, you didn't sign on to become a slave.

    If you stay, make a chart listing specific chores for each person. She is 15..you control the purse. You take away her texting device or computer until her chores are completed.
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 6:32 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • When does she do her homework? How are her grades? What school activities does she participate in?
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 8:21 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • Well i do put the laptop in my room& let df know about it, but then he will just take it out so she can use it, now about the cell i tell him she is not to use it& he still gives it to her, i have no clue on her grades, i always ask df but get no answer
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:09 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

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