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Are you a Step parent........How do I, as the SM, handle BM, confusing SS with half stories that make SS angry and confused with BD on visits?

What do you do when BM dilibratley makes her son angry at BF with half sided stories. How do you correct it in a positive manner. I am neutral to it, but get pulled in, because she even has told him that I am "trying to steal him from her" . I have told him, I love him as one of my own, but I would never try keeping him from his mom and that I grew up with out a mom and can understand that when he is visting us, he will miss her and that, the emotion is normal as well as okay. SHouldn't any parent be obliged in a divorce situation, that the step parent can want and give only the best to their child when they are not able to be there 100%. i CAN'T STAND TO SEE MY SS SO CONFUSED AND UPSET. I have children of my own. ANd BM has skids of her own now, how is she with them? Has even went so far to say that only her family and BD 's family is the real family. That my family, who he has grown to love, is not his family because we are only step. I have told my SS that family is, yes who you are born into, but also the ppl you choose to trust and love. Am I wrong? Wait a minute, no I am not wrong. My views may be different from others but if you are a SParent, what would your views be?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Jan. 23, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I am also a step-parent and feel your views are exactly right on! Don't change a thing you're doing. Keep loving the little guy :)
    Danishlady

    Answer by Danishlady at 10:42 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • THank you and I intend too
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:45 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • I'm not a step parent, but I think your thoughts are right too. She shd be glad you want to take care of him and love him. Not to take him away, but be a part of your family while he's there. If you were the opposite, she's complain about that too. She's most likely insecure about her relationship, I'd keep quiet about her and don't say things about her just be a compassionate listener. He'll catch on was he grows as to who loves him and who is trying to use him.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 11:56 PM on Jan. 23, 2011

  • You are doing the best thing for your SS that I can tell. It sounds like BM is immature and unstable, and there is nothing that can be done about that. Just continue to not feed in to it...its the best, healthiest thing for your SS. Just keep telling him the same things over and over...that "real" is what is in your heart. And most importantly, just keep assuring him that you care about him unconditionally and that you'll never try to replace his mom. He will remember that his whole life, and when he is older, he will finally understand who the real mess was. It won't be you.
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 3:34 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I am trying. I don't want this child to grow up knowing hate. But understanding life. It can throw a lot of curve balls. Everyone in his life should be on the same boat... it will take time. At least I know I have to be doing the right thing, you all agree with me...... that is a relief.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:48 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • hmmm... get some candles, light one and tell your SS love is like the flame on the candle, then light another one and ask him> did the flame in the first candle grow smaller? then light another one and another one and another one... tell him love is not divided, but multiplied when you give it. Tell him it is like that with BD, that his having other children does not diminish the love BD feels for him, and that SS's loving your family does not diminish the love he feels for his "own" family.
    Belovedmoonpixi

    Answer by Belovedmoonpixi at 4:10 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

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