Okay, so, my husband and I discovered the hard way that my step-kids mom and step-dad has been sexually abusing them as well as physically and mentally. Now we are taking the steps needed to get them out of that environment (see my journals if you want the complete story).
So, the doctor, who didn't know about the stress I've been under, suggested that in order to help my infant daughter get over the cold she had gotten and then gotten over (she had lost some weight and her iron levels were low and just nursing her was making it difficult for her to gain that weight back) that I suppliment with formula at least once a day. I agreed to do so, gave her the formula once a day, and everything was fine. Took her off the formula (I would still send a bottle of breastmilk to the daycare for her) and for a while things were okay. I wasn't producing enough milk to supply her with her needs at daycare though, even taking suppliments wasn't giving me the boost I needed (it did in the beginning but with the constant pumping my milk supply diminished).
Now the stress has increased dramatically, and these people are taking the fight onto facebook, trying to get my family to turn against me (which thankfully hasn't happened yet, but I turned my privacy settings to exlude them since I don't want them to see my page but I still need to see their's in case they post something about the kids, which they did but that's another story and is posted in my journals). But now I am having to rely more on the formula and suppliments JUST to give my daughter what she needs!
I never intended to be using formula for my baby, especially since she has such a sensitive stomach and is so allergic to cow's milk that I have to do without so that she doesn't have an allergic reaction (the formula doesn't have cow protein in it, it's made specifically for babies like her and has to be gotten with a perscription). I have limited my diet for her so that she could have what has been proven to be the best, yet these people have pushed me to the limit that I am having to fall back on this stuff.
I don't want to have to take suppliments just to keep my supply up, but if I don't then my supply withers up to barely any milk there.
I don't want to have to suppliment with formula, but I have to because I'm having to rebuild my milk supply.
And now I feel like such a bad mom for having to do this....
Nursing was never this hard with my older two. Has anyone else had to do similar methods for their baby and hated it too? Anyone out there felt like a bad mom for not being able to do what needed to be done and had to fall on other methods for their children?
I know this seems like a silly question, but I really would like to know. Am I the only one who feels like a failure in breastfeeding my infant because I've had to fall back on formula suppliments for her, and herbal suppliments for myself?
And by the way, my daughter is 7 months old, this has been going on for almost 3 months now.
Oh darling. You are in serious need of a hug. A FAILURE!? Are you kidding me!? You most certainly are NOT a failure. You are doing everything that you can to keep breastfeeding and that is commendable, not failure. Give yourself a break! You are under a ton of stress and in need of some love and support. Don't beat yourself up. Know that you are doing the best that you can and that's all that matters.
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