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3 Bumps

one on one time with your children

i have 3 girls, ages 4, 2 and 1. for some reason, i always feel like i need one on one time with the oldest. when in reality, i never really do anything one on one with the younger two. today, i want to take them to this nice playground on the beach while my oldest is at school, but i also feel bad about not waiting til i pick her up so we can all go. when really, she's at school having a good time with her friends, getting plenty of interaction and play time there. so i dont have to wait, but i just feel like i should.

the reality of the situation is as being a stay at home mom, with no help from my mother in law, a husband who's going through his own personal crisis, my mom working 50 hours a week and living 20 minutes away, and my dad being in his 60's, it's virtually impossible to get any one on one time with any of them. so we end up going everywhere/doing everything together which is okay as family time is important too.

anyone else feel guilty about not getting as much one on one time with your children as you'd like? im wondering why some people believe its important for your oldest child to have special mommy/daddy time, but not the younger ones. it would be ideal to have that time with all of them, but also not feasible most of the time. the only one on one time i get now with my oldest, is when her sisters are in bed and she gets to stay up a little later. and that seems to be working, so i dont know why i feel bad about not taking her to the park or a movie just the two of us.

 
tnm786

Asked by tnm786 at 11:07 AM on Jan. 24, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • This happens to me often.  I THINK I'm spending too much time with one of them but then my husband will point out that I am not spending enough time with the other 2.   Don't beat yourself up over it.  Right now, I am doing things with all of them just to keep things even but we have in the past when the money was available, taken each child out seperately to buy something just for them.  It's called "mommy day".  We spend the whole day together.

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 11:09 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I have no help unless hubs is home. I put the youngest to bed an hour earlier then the other two. I let dd paint my nails or we just gab about her day. Oldest ds and I read a story together or play his games together. I get plenty of one on one time with the youngest while the older two are at school.


    Sometimes all 3 kids and I cook together. The youngest basically chases us all with a spoon. lol 

    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 11:10 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • First, trust your instinct. If you feel you need to spend more one-on-one time with your oldest child, carve that time out! When time is stretched too thin here, I let each of my girls stay up an extra hour (one of Friday night and one on Saturday night) so that we can spend some quality time together. We make a treat in the kitchen or sit at the table and play a game, color, and talk. My husband and I alternate weeks of having one-on-ones with the children. Once a month or two we do something more. Like taking them out for lunch or dinner or a movie or something just mommy/daughter or daddy/daughter.
    misses_nick

    Answer by misses_nick at 11:13 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • The fact you are concerned over it shows you are a good mom.
    tiddliwinks

    Answer by tiddliwinks at 11:16 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I know,it is hard,changes happen and routines get disrupted. Try to make some special time for u and your oldest. I think u r feeling guilty that u don't have those Saturdays anymore.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 11:31 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Oh yes, I'm going through this. I feel like I want to spend the time with my oldest, because once the other children came along, she was put in to a role of having to do more on her own, share, and be more responsible. My youngest got almost two whole years during the day at home with me when the other two were in school. So I worry my oldest will just always feel like she's JUST the oldest and never got to have free, uninterrupted mommy time. Grr...the worst thing about being a mom, is mommy guilt!
    SandyHack

    Answer by SandyHack at 12:21 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I don't worry about it. I have 5 kids and I don't believe they need constant one on one time. They let me know when they need attention by coming to me and talking to me or asking me to do things with them. But there is no way I could spend time alone with each of them every day. There aren't enough hours in the day. My kids are used to doing things as a group. It's always been that way and always will.
    justanotherjen

    Answer by justanotherjen at 8:14 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • i used to have the option of one on one time with my oldest too, when i lived with my parents for a short while after my 3rd was born (long story id rather not delve into) anyway once a week, usually saturdays, my parents would babysit the younger two and i would take her to a special lunch at steak n shake, or to the playground or pool just the two of us. it was wonderful. but i dont have that anymore, my husband and i are living together again, closer to his mom now who like i said doesnt help.. at all. maybe i just feel guilty about it because it was once something i was able to do.
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 11:13 AM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • thank you :) i try my best. just have those moments of where can i improve.. lol
    tnm786

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 11:17 AM on Jan. 24, 2011