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my husband has been in a funk lately. any possible way of helping him get out of it!?

so it would seem like a blessing to have a husband who is home every night, right?

well in my situation it's not really. he does have an anger/ptsd problem so i am being as supportive/understanding as possible. but my husband (before we got married/had children) was never the one to turn down an invite out with friends or an evening out period.

this saturday, we had a babysitter for the first time in ever. and they weren't going to be returning to us til sunday afternoon. we took advantage of it by going to hooter's for dinner with another couple we're friends with. he wanted to go to his other friend's house afterward, who just moved in and he wanted to check out the house and have a few beers. i really didn't feel like going far (his friend moved about 45 minutes away) so i decided i would hang out with the couple and he could go out there. i figured a "guy's night" would be great for him. anyway, about 3 hours later (it's around 10 pm now) he called and asked if i needed a ride home from the bar me and the couple were at. i said i wasn't ready to go home yet, the couple had already offered to take me home but i said i would love it if he would meet us, hang out for a little while and we could go home together.

he said he was tired and just went home and went to bed. he works 50 hours a week and never does anything or goes anywhere outside of work. this would have been a golden opportunity for him. but i didn't argue, if that's what he wanted to do, fine.

anyway, i was ready to go home by midnight but the couple was my ride. they wanted to party longer and go to eat again after, so i didnt make it home til 3 am. i still had a great time though.

last night, an old mutual friend of ours from highschool (who i also hung out with at the bar) wanted to come over and my husband said it would be okay, until he found out he wanted to bring his friend (who was also at the bar) that he's only met once. so he said no, only matt could come. matt didn't want to ditch his friend, so he didn't come. all understandable i suppose.

this just isn't the typical behavior of my husband. once or twice a week, his friend from work goes fishing, invites hubby and he doesn't want to go. my husband LOVES fishing. i always try to push him to go (not too much) but he doesn't want to. he knows he can if he wants to, and i don't think it has anything to do with feeling guilty for leaving me at home. im the one telling him to go lol! i always think him having these opportunities may help him get out of his funk and get his mind off the anger. now im wondering if he is depressed, too. i just don't know what to do for the poor guy.


Asked by tnm786 at 11:54 AM on Jan. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
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Answers (3)
  • Is there a possibility that he comming near his Ptsd date? Or is there somthing going on around you or on the news that is triggering his Ptsd symptoms and he just wants to stay home? PTSD patients in general do not want to leave their home, they are afraid that somthing will trigger their symptoms. The thing is he probably is fine with you going out alone its easier for him, newer people comming in the home doesnt work well either. People with Ptsd have a trust issue they need to feel safe in case something sets them off. Does he get conceling or private therapy? It can be very helpful. Is he on medication-its aloso helpful. It is good that he is able to work but it maybe what he does to keep his self safe and sane. I worked at thr VA as an RN and have delt with alot of PTSD. If you want to message me you can I can listen to you because I really do understand it. You sound like a great person that is strong and the

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 6:02 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • lol

    i actually changed my mind toward the end of our hooters meal and said i kind of wanted to go with him. he told me no he wanted to hang out with the guys. i was completely fine with that. theres no possible way the blame lies within me, since he wanted to go be on his own for a while. we had planned to meet up later, and he crapped out on me and said he was tired. i was actually hanging out with his friends that night, they are both of our friends but i met them thru him.

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 12:15 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Do you think it possible that your husband wanted you to want to be with him more than with your friends? Do you think it even possible that he wanted to spend part of that time without the children with just his wife? Do you think it at all possible that the reason he seems depressed is that he doesn't believe he is a top priority with his own wife? Who made the plans for the week-end? Him? You? Or did you make them together? I think there's a real good possibility that your husband feels like he is second string or maybe even third string. Under these same circumstances, that is exactly how my husband would be feeling. What if he had been really counting on his wife wanting to be just with him instead of all her friends? I would definitely be depressed.

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:08 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

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