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3 Bumps

Will women always do more?

So my friend and I are always lamenting about how much more work we do for our kids and around the house. I work 30hrs/week and my friend works full-time, as do both of our husbands. Even when I worked full time up until recently, I still did about 90% of the housework and child rearing. It is one of the primary reasons why I do not want to have another kid. I know that I would end up doing EVERYTHING. Yesterday my husband sat and watched me mop the entire house while he read on his ipad. He tries to help, but not only does he work full-time, he is also back in school. I get so tired of it! I never thought I'd be like my mom- doing everything around the house and working on top of it. Do you do the majority of housework and child care?

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danielp

Asked by danielp at 3:50 PM on Jan. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 11 (542 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • YES!! I am trying to figure out how I am going to work, go to school , and take care of two kids(2yrs old and 2 month old). I know how you feel.
    nicjon

    Answer by nicjon at 3:54 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • You know whats wierd, I am single now. But when I was married and worked 40 hr weeks I was like a machine. I never stopped. I did housework after I came home from work until I was ready to crumble from exhaustion. Now that Im single and still work 40t hours, I dont push myself so hard anymore. I dont know why that is, but I felt like I had this huge household to run back then. I still do have a household to run but its on my terms and when I say. Good question though
    beyondhopes

    Answer by beyondhopes at 3:54 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • yes, but most of the time, i'm fine with it. "home" is my job, he goes to his. But on the weekends i'm off! He does pretty good at helping me when i need it, or on the weekend (and letting me sleep in). It works for us.
    boobarandbell

    Answer by boobarandbell at 3:58 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Me personally. I can and only will speak for myself.

    No I do not do the majority of housework or anything else really. The one and only thing that I and I alone am solely responsible for is our finances. Everything else in our household is a joint effort. Even when our son was little/growing up I still did not do the majority of everything, taking care of/raising our son was a joint effort. He is OUR son, not my son, not his son, OUR son. So we both put in our fair of effort, time, and dedication to being his parents.

    You know, actually. If I were to be totally honest with **myself** (much less anyone else), I would have to say that my husband works far more, works far harder and does far more than I do on most days. He works full time, comes home, helps run errands, clean house and do anything that I need or want him to do, pretty much any and everyday of the week.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 3:59 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I don't neccessarily believe women do more than men.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 4:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • my family is just like pixie_trix's, except i spend the majority of the time with our son
    pookipoo

    Answer by pookipoo at 4:06 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Wow...I really liked reading "beyondhopes" answer. I'm married, but my husband works out of town sometimes...sometimes for 5 days at a time. When he's home, I just go go go all the time. When he's not, I almost don't feel as pressured or something to get stuff done. He doesn't do ANYTHING unless I ask him to. He's got to be the laziest guy around the house EVER. Plus he's REALLY messy, so maybe that's why I always feel like I'm running around like crazy when he's home.

    I feel your pain - I work full time and my husband works about 30 hours a week. I do everything, too, and now we have another child on the way with a 2 year old. Try not to go crazy!
    crystalbean2

    Answer by crystalbean2 at 4:11 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I expect that whenever the Responsibility Vacuum Women stop sucking up all the work (glaring daggers at whoever is quite happy to watch instead of join in) long before anyone else perceives any need to do anything, stop doing everything she Thinks Someone Else Expects, and stop Being In Charge of everything, perhaps the workload will even out.

    What astonishes most overworked SuperMoms is that their standards are not universally accepted as the Bare Minimum, nor is anyone else is really capable of pressuring them to take charge, or do everything --or anything.

    It's not just expecting them to pitch in, it's letting them. Since very many women hold their husbands in great disdain, because men are incompetent as we all know, they more or less get exactly what they expect.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 4:14 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Well Linda, I'm not sure how 'Supermom' it is of me to not want to live in a pigsty.
    danielp

    Comment by danielp (original poster) at 4:18 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Yes. I do about 99% of the child rearing and about 98% of the housework. If there are dirty dishes on the couch, toys on the floor, and a bathroom to be cleaned DH decides to go clean the garage. A project that doesn't NEED to be accomplished as a first priority. Sure, it would benefit us in these Michigan winters, but when there's housework to be done it's last on the list. Or it should be. To him there are more important things then house work and child rearing. He loves his family, he loves his home, but honestly my husband can be a bit self fish. He'll play hours of games after he gets up on the weekend, rattle off his chore plans for the day, take a smoke break, and then he'll be right back on the computer. It's soooo frustrating! I'm a SAHM and he works full time, but I shouldn't have to take care of everything. That's not how a household is supposed to run.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:46 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

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