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Can he really do this?? Long so sorry.... adult content

My son's father and I have been split since 3/2007. He took my son with him, I did nothing when I came home and no one was there. Maybe cause I felt that I knew I wouldnt have a place to go when he left. Well anyways, its now 2011, I have been with my bf for 4 years this July. We are expecting our first child together. I am considered High Risk, 7 months along (not that its his issue) Moving north to the Daytona area. Which is about 45-1 hr drive.
My ex is being a complete JERK!!! he insists on seeing the place before my son sleeps there, and asked who all will be living there, where is it located, telling me im responsible for the driving him to and fromm home. as far as i know its a meet half way. I come from split home I know how this works, asking how are we gonig to afford it, where am i going to be working, so on and so forth and blah blah blah. My bf had playd nice for to long and is about to say something cause this man is still tring to control my life, and uses my son as a pawn. He seems to be trying to find anyway possible to make every situation as difficult as it can be. originally I was moving to NH, that fell through (which is when he said since your abandoning your son im filing for custody") which im not but ok. so it fell through and we staying in Fla. This past weekend we went to get the place cleaned and such to move in. Did not sleep there. my son had a BLAST, and each time did not want to leave.
I get a text on the way to bring him to his dad, asking where we are. I said heading your way to bring him home and there is started. It be nice to be able to see where my son will be sleeping before he goes there and so on. I guess that just went out the window. I came back with, im not doing this with you right now. we are not moved in so relax. last thing he said was "all will be taken care of" WTF does that mean?!?! Who are you to tell or act like you can tell me where I can and cannot live. I am 28 yrs old. I am not a child. you have controled my life for tooooo effin long you manipulative SOB.. so i want and need to be prepared for this. I tried callin legal aid for 3 hours following prompts and getting hung up on.. I dont know what else to do. i know he is going to file for custody but if anything I want full or 50/50... thats not much to ask. he been getting child support from me since sept 2008, I been donig what I was told and need to do as his mother. he LOVES being with me and NIck.. so what is the deal?? Im not dong anything wrong. but he is tring to do whatever to make me look unfit. its just not fair and i am out of options... I dont know what to do. i cant afford an attorney without the states help. and seems like i cant even get that :*(

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mommyoftristan

Asked by mommyoftristan at 4:59 PM on Jan. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,903 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Unless it is in your court order then no he cannot do that. If he doesnt allow visits he is in contempt. You also have some changes in circumstances, maybe its a good time to start documenting. If you arent up to it have your SO do it until the baby is done. After that I would try talking to a lawyer and look into a change of custody again.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:01 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Well..... I can see why you ex is asking those questions. I would like to know where my son lived while he was with the other parent and who would be around him him. He is asking fair question but I think he should met you half way on somethings. BUT it is none of his business where you'll be working or how you'll manage your money, tell him to shut up on those issues.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:04 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • go to the court and get the paper work and file on your own. or see if there is an attorney that will help you you will have to call around but there will be an attorney will help with a payment plan, or go to the library in the state and town you live in now, depending how old the child is can make the decision himself depending on age in the state you are in. some states as old as 12 years old.
    tinymom22

    Answer by tinymom22 at 5:07 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • i dont have a problem with telling him the things he should know. I dont, its just the way he goes about it and talkin down to me like im a child. like every place i move to is not good enough for my child. i would NEVER put him in a home/place where it was harm him
    mommyoftristan

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 5:10 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • were you ever married the the father?
    did ANY court say who has custody or placement?
    in 48 of 50 states (do not know which two do NOT apply) in all but 2 states, if child born to UNmarried parents=the mother has 100% rights until it goes to court, i found this out by calling a lawyer in yellow pages, and 2nd and 3rd i called agreed

    see if this applied to your state, look in yellow pages make some calls, i got three lawyers to spend ten minutes on phone talking to me about my possible future child custody case
    hope you livein one of these 48 states because then you can throw that back at him, he will back down some=maybe

    good luck
    hope this helps you
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 5:10 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • You can't move and not give him the address it is his right to to know where his kid is staying to (its your right to) also if the you moved out of town first you have to do all the driving unless you get it court ordered to meet half way and since its less than an hour away they are probably going to make you drive. Its not fair but it happens. How old is your son? If he's old enough when you do go to court they can listen and take in consideration of where he wants to live. GL
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 5:11 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • yeah my son is almost 7. so im not that lucky. money is not there for buying pieces of paper. hence the reason i need state aid.
    mommyoftristan

    Comment by mommyoftristan (original poster) at 5:11 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Well you arent unfit and if you have followed whats been asked of you itll be hard for him to prove anything. And no he has no right to see where you live or where you son will be staying. My ex tries that BS too and I told him to bite me. I dont go to his house with his trashy gf and ask to see where they live. I will know if its not safe or kept right because my child will tell me so. You can go lawyer shopping and do what I did. I sat in front of a lawyers office before they even opened and was seen. They saw I was desperate and I came with what little cash I had in hand and they did payment arrangements for me. In the end I got custody of my child back. Did the games end>? NO. They have kept on and on all this time and I swear some times I feel like Im doing time or something when I should be able to just enjoy being a mom without some A-hole & gf bugging us all the time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Having the address is one thing, but no one has the right to come LOOK into your house. I think some are missing the point here. As long as she has been found to be a fit and proper parent and has visitation rights she can move where ever she wants to and he doesnt have the right to inspect it if it isnt in the court order. If my ex tried that Id have him back in court so fast his head would spin.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:14 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • If he's having such a hard time with the new house tell him to come pick him up next time, its not like your hiding anything and you want him to feel comfortable to and you want him to see how happy your son is over there.
    aheuszel

    Answer by aheuszel at 5:16 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

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