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How can I bond with 2 stepchildren, girls 7 & 8 years old who I feel no emotional ties with?

I feel so guilty because these 2 girls have been in my life for almost 2 years now. They do know who their mother is but the never see he because she has moved on to another life with kids and all. Their father and I have come a long way in raising them together. See, he was present but not participant in their upbringing, his mother raised the girls for the first 5 years of their life. They are close to her and thats all good and fine, but man these 2 girls have been programed wrong. Its just uncomfortable here in our home. See I am home 24/7 dealing with my medical issues and just don't handle these 2 girls all that well. Bottom line...they get on my last good nerve.

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UHNCDM

Asked by UHNCDM at 6:38 PM on Jan. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • It's not too late. Try to get involved in things they enjoy. Read together, do craft projects together.....find some things that you can bond over. Get their dad involved as well. Plan a special dinner once a week with family time. Our family has been making homemade pizza and watching a movie or playing games together for years....my boys are now grown. This is time we all count on to keep up with each other.

    And just try to remember, you will be the mother these kids know, and who they will look back on as the one who raised them. What do you want that relationship to look like. *hugs* to all of you, and best wishes.
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 6:42 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • what are you doing to cope better? can you do yoga or meditate?
    can you get involved in things that they like? is there anything that you like that they might like to get involved in?
    happy2bmom25

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 6:44 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Talk to the grandmother find out what they like to do and see if you can do with them. They might better adapt if they see you getting to a point where you are showing interest in them. Remember do not try to take their mother place but be a female role model. Talk to them about what they need and what once you get them chatting tell them your goals in a way for your relationship.
    karing4elmas

    Answer by karing4elmas at 7:09 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Why did you marry him if his kids get on your nerves?
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 7:17 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • The one thing we do share is our love for movies. We find our comfy spot and chill.Dad does his thing when he comes home, homework and bathes and such. I have tries to couch him through it and he is a pro now.
    UHNCDM

    Comment by UHNCDM (original poster) at 7:36 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • to JLS2388....Really???? Easy there now, dang.
    UHNCDM

    Comment by UHNCDM (original poster) at 7:38 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Why did you marry him if his kids get on your nerves?

    WOW dumbest question ever i Swear it.... the kids might have changed over time from the time they started seeing each other to the time now. people change.. it happens..
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 8:04 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • let me tell you, my own kids get on my nerves someones elses surely will!! lol your normal sweetheart, it will take time to bond with these girls. daily rituals, spending time with them, getting interested in their school activites and homework, family traditions. one day you will just turn around and look at them and think "i love these girls!". i have 2 natural kids and 2 step-kids. when the step come to visit i feel like a free babysitter and have no emotional connection to them but i also understand it will come with time BUT i will never feel for them what i feel for my natural kids. love those girls the best you can right now and it will grow and grow. your very normal.
    lillie70

    Answer by lillie70 at 8:59 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • have step children a boy 17 and girl 16-they are ruff they dont live with us they are gamey. I feel I have tried in the past, they say they have never felt welcomed. We are meeting again this week to try to make things work for them.
    Little kids are easy. They come around quicker. Take them on girls only dates-get nails done, do things just girls would do and act like its a big deal and make girls dates no dads as a way for them to have bonding with you, Let them pick things to do as well. Plus you will enjoy this and that wil make it easier on all of you. Good luck you are trying and that is half the battle!
    21lisa72

    Answer by 21lisa72 at 9:07 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Thanks for the wonderful advice ladies.... It is a good thing they are young cuz that means I have lots of time. I do genuinely care for them. They are really good girls.... I tried something yesterday as the lil one came walking by me I asked her for a hug and I joked with the older one to give me the biggest hug she could. It felt so goof and I'm gonna make more time for is 3 ladies to do our nails or our hair.... They have very long hair that I love doing new does. Thanks again ladies , I'm really digging the clubmom vibe:)
    UHNCDM

    Comment by UHNCDM (original poster) at 11:32 AM on Jan. 26, 2011

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