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2 Bumps

his spoiled kid...

my so (we don't live together) has two kids, a 9 year old boy who is amazing, and a 5 year old girl who is (i'm sorry, but really) a total spoiled brat. she's totally mean to my almost-3 year old daughter, and i can't stand it. my child is by no means an angel, so please don't think it's a comparison issue.
this girl refuses to even speak to me when they're over. if my dd touches her things (that she brings to our house) then she demands he buy her replacement ones... which he actually frickin' DOES. it's ridiculous. his son is treated in a way that i see as appropriate and loving without being so overindulgent, and i cannot understand it.
this little girl gets literally whatever she wants, will look you in the eye and do exactly what you told her not to, and teases my daughter. i've tried to gently point it out and he responds that, "it's his baby girl and both her and my daughter should have what they want." i personally do not give my child whatever she wants and don't allow him to spoil her either. she's not a princess. they're just kids! what do i do?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Jan. 24, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (8)
  • Move on! Seriously your daughter deserves to not be treated differently than his daughter. She sees it and her happiness is the most important thing. He obviously can not/will not stop treating his daughter that way, so cut your loses and move on!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 9:06 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • You might need to have seperate time from his dd, thank God you guys arent living under the same roof yet. Until he sees this is a problem nothing is going to change with her behavior. Really think about what your getting into here.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:06 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • If you guys get married, this might be a deal breaker. Think long and hard about you want to really put up with this "princess" when she's 16?

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:07 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • She is jealous and she is marking her territory. You and your daughter are threats and she is protecting what is hers the only way she knows how to. By your description, it sounds as though you and so are unalbe to deal with this appropriately. They are his kids he needs to put them first and deal with them and there security before he gets involved with another woman. He might just have to postpone a relationship for a number of years.

    Answer by tootoobusy at 9:12 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • that's what i'm worried about! she's going to be a total bitch and it's not even her fault! and the idea of raising our children together but in totally separate ways is obviously unrealistic. i maintain SOME control when they're over here, but i also look to him to discipline his own child. EXAMPLE: the kids were snacking on fruit and she asked for an apple. i told her no as they had each had a couple things and i was ready for them to chill out. she and my dd were playing in the kitchen and i went in there and she had taken a bite of an apple and then returned it to the bowl when she heard me coming. i asked her, she denied it and blamed it on my kid, who is too short to have gotten it. i told him to go deal w her and when i returned, she was eating the fucking thing. "well, she already ate half of it anyway, babe." WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? that's not the point! when an adult tells you no it's no, right?!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 9:14 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Tell your so that because the girls are parented (treated) differently, his actions with his kid, affect your kid when they are both in the house. And it's adverse. Tell him as kindly as possible that you know he loves her but that this kid is a snot and it's going to really bite him in the butt if he doesn't get hold of the situation. He's being manipulated by her because he feels guilty but this is a nasty problem in the making. I'm not sure how you get around this but if your kid is being hurt by it, you need to say something.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • That's some pretty definite jealousy. If they were full sisters, you'd still see it, but it would have resolved when they were younger.

    Take those "extra" things dh has gotten for her, and explain that now, she has some things at your house, and some things at her mom's house. She doesn't need to bring any more toys over, except maybe a teddy bear to sleep with.

    Get the girls doing coloring and crafts--together. One marker/crayon set, one giant pad of paper, and one glue stick and some cute buttons. They have to share for 20 minutes. If she doesn't want to, sit between them to start, and then scoot out of the picture.
    It may take more than a few tries, but they'll learn.

    Have them play tea party once they warm up to each other.


    Answer by 6girlsrock at 9:29 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • sounds like someones mommy is doing some brain washing gotta love hateful exs!

    Answer by Destins_Mommy at 1:02 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

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