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2 Bumps

Can't stand it anymore...

I am a newlywed and trying to concieve baby #1 ( reason for joining this site ) ...

The week before Thanksgiving , my husbands sister's husband passed away ( car accident ) ...

Since our lease was up on Dec. 1st ( we were looking for a house to buy ! ) , my husband offered for us to move into her house to help pay her mortage and such because she is a stay at home mom ( 3 kids) .

She has a large house but it is driving me crazy , my husband and I are paying most of the mortage for her, and most of the utilities and yet we are in a small room ....

She said she is looking for a job but I think it is doing more harm than good, making her think that she can get a job that can pay for this house ... plus the fact that I am tired of paying for her .

My husband of course thinks it isnt a problem to pay his sisters ( and her kids ) way, he doesnt even care if we have to stay here forever ( he likes these big old farmhouses ) , but I cannot take it any longer and I am about to put the hault on baby making and find my own apt.

What would you do ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Jan. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Sit down and talk to both Dh and his sister explain how this situation is making you feel. And being a prospective mama you need to have your own place to make home and welcome a furture baby that you may have. Staying for awhile is fine but forever is too long...

    Answer by ArystaBrat at 9:50 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Actually, I would give her more time to grieve. She lost her husband 2 months ago, give her time to adjust. I would put the baby making on hold for a little longer. I think it's great that your husband is standing by his sister in her time of need. It's only been 2 months, give her a break. Suggest grief counseling for her and the kids so she can make the transition to a single parent with a huge responsibility on her hands.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 9:53 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Yikes!!!! My husband and I lived with his parents for 6 months right after we got engaged. Then we moved in with my parents 2 states away for 9 months and somewhere in between that we got married. It was stressful, but we had a deadline to look forward to. We knew we were leaving his parents, then we knew we were going to buy a house when we moved in with mine.
    Living with any family is stressful, let alone helping with money! My advice talk with your DH and figure out a timeline that works for both of you. Once you have a talk and tell him how you are feeling you can go from there. If he still doesnt see anything wrong then tell him if you can't come to an agreement then you are going to need some space. See what he says to that. Good luck and keep us posted!

    Answer by whitefamily at 9:56 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • You are doing good to think twice before you add a baby to that mess. Talk seriously with your hubby about what you want before you decide anything.

    Answer by gou18 at 9:57 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • do good tp wait on baby but being very insensitive to your sil in law... big plus you have a good man who has a good heart... let him help his sister in time of need... you wouldnt feel the same if the table was turned... you and your 3 kids all of a sudden left alone.. give it some time and be grateful you get to help someone in need

    Answer by Ross2010 at 10:04 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I would try to put yourself in her shoes. The last thing she is wanting to do is being out looking for a job...she is grieving. Of course this should not be a permanent situation, but losing your spouse is hard enough...but now normal life piling on top of itself is not helping your sister in law. Your husband is a great man for stepping in to help her so much. Be proud of him...not irritated.

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 10:19 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • you need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about everything.. it might get heated up but he needs to respect you and your feelings too.

    Answer by Lynnsae at 11:40 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Here are your options as I see them:
    1. Offer to buy the house, since your husband loves it. She can take the money, get a smaller place, and move on.
    2. Pay less. You don't own the house and you've only got a small space. Pay one utility (gas, water, electricity) and a smaller percentage of the mortgage (if it's a four bedroom house, pay a fourth. Only pay for your room).
    3. Tell your husband that his sister is not your financial responsibility; you married him and not his sister. You're unable to save for your own place at the rate you're paying for hers. This is TOO much stress on a young relationship. You need to find your own place, and you need a deadline for it - say two months. As long as you're footing the bills, your SIL won't have much motivation to find a job.
    Good luck!

    Answer by MariAnKenobi at 11:50 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I understand the fact that she's still grieving, but life still goes on. Staying temporarily is okay, but she could become dependent on you and your husband paying the bills. What's she going to do when you decide to move out? I do know that she can apply for social security for the kids from where her husband has worked in the past. I hope things work out for you.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 1:14 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

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