Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

9 Bumps

Being so disrespected !

I have been married to my husband for almost 6 years, and 99% of that time I was madly in love and so very happy with him .

He has always treated me well and we have never had a problem - until now...

This past Sept. he got a new job - a great job and we were very excited ! It is the job he has always wanted and it was a HUGE pay increase .... we were able to live nicely and even have extra money every month ( before we were living pay check to pay check)

After a few weeks at his new job he started to get an attitude... he started acting like he was "too good" for me or something ...

Then came the kicker, he got me a job at a gas station !...

He just came home one day and told me that he thinks I dont appreciate all that he does, so he had his friend who owns a gas station give me a night shift job there.

I was so much in shock and so mad... I never took him for granted, I never treated him badly and I was a VERY hard working stay at home mom ( i also took care of my grandma ) ... and he acted like I was lounging around eating bonbons ...

We didnt even need the money .,.... every month he would give me some money do do what I wnt with it ( I would use it to buy house things, craft things or things I needed, or I would just save it) , he would also give me money for the kids and then he would have a share for himself.... and now he said the money I make I can use for my "luxuries" .

Not only now do I have to still do everything I did before, but I have to do it on no sleep ( I have to get ready to leave when the kids go to bed, and I get home right before they wake up ) .... I am just so depressed and hurt over this... I have tried to talk to him and he just tells me he wanted me to have this job so I would respect him more ...

But now tomorrow I know exactly what I am going to tell him, and that is that, when he did this I lost all respect for him , he completely ruined our relationship, and now the money that I am making I am usuing for a cheap apt. in town !

What would you do if your husband did this !!???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:03 PM on Jan. 24, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (18)
  • Is this a joke? Heck ya, I'd take that money for a new place in town.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • First off, no man would be telling me where and when I'd be working. Second, if he suddenly turned into a jerk,I'd be asking for an explanation. Just because you're married to him doesn't mean he can tell you what to do in that way.

    Answer by ceallaigh at 10:19 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • He wants to FORCE you to respect him by FORCING you to do something you don't want to do, and controlling your spending? Was he raised by Hitler?

    What he's doing is controlling you, and that's a form of abuse.

    Economic or financial abuse: A subtle form of emotional abuse

    Remember, an abuser’s goal is to control you, and he or she will frequently use money to do so. Economic or financial abuse includes:

    * Rigidly controlling your finances.
    * Withholding money or credit cards.
    * Making you account for every penny you spend.
    * Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
    * Restricting you to an allowance.
    * Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
    * Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly)
    * Stealing from you or taking your money.

    Answer by charliebean at 10:31 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • i'd be doing the same thing youre doing. its scary thinking of myself in that situation. i have always been the one thats most any relationship ive ever been in. i could make it on my own, with or without the man in my life. thats the only way ill have it. cause when he starts acting up...i wont be devestated & stuck.good luck, & i say go with your gut plan. dont let no man tell you what to do & where to work. especially when u have been taking care of kids, grandma, & his sorry behind even when he didnt have a great job!!! what a jerk

    Answer by hellokitty1978 at 10:32 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • First, no man would tell me what I was going to do and get me a job. Second, I would be saving that money for an apartment and move out with the kids. I have a feeling he is cheating on you. Why else would he get you a job on the night shift. Tell him if he wants you to continue working HE will be cleaning and cooking and taking care of the kids too.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:33 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Wow! I'm sorry but the guy is being a jerk! Why not tell him that if he wants to respect you he can go out and get a night job in addition to his day job so that he works 24 hrs a day like you do with no sleep... He can't control you.. you can quit this job.. If he doesn't like it, too bad....

    Answer by momofonelilguy at 10:37 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I would save money and leave him. My husband is not going to treat me like a child.

    Answer by Sweets27 at 10:46 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • I'd be pissed. That is totally disrespectful. You described a huge change in character and he isn't offering up any reason why. I'd do just what you said. Take that money and get your own place. You don't need to be controlled and emotionally abused like that.

    Answer by myree85 at 11:20 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • he made you take a night shift on top of being a full time stay at home mom?? Wow, what a jerk. I would totally think something is up. If he got the dream job he always wanted and is making more than enough to take care of his family, why do you, the primary care-giver to not just your kids but your grandkids, have to get a job at a GAS STATION during the night hours. Honey, I am so sorry to hear this but if it was me I would have already left. He is being very, VERY ignorant and you don't deserve or need that. Keep your head up and I wish you and your kids the best!

    Answer by devonsmommie3 at 11:26 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

  • Something is going on with him. I have a feeling he's cheating on you.

    Answer by Simplicity3 at 11:27 PM on Jan. 24, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.