Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

my husband never takes my side with his family

Ok so my dh is VERY close to his family and IMO I should come first. When it comes to my family I ALWAYS back my husband up (even if he is wrong) I think that's how it should be but, dh has actually said "you and my family are on the same level i can see both sides when you have issues so i can't say anything" Do you think that's right or do you think your spouse and children should come before your family?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • I think spouse and children should come first. However, since he doesn't, you cannot change him.

    Answer by Anna92464 at 12:33 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Spouse and kids always come first. Never gang up on the spouse and kids. It is humiliating.

    Answer by dancer at 12:33 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I think spouse and children should come first. However, since he doesn't, you cannot change him.

    So then what do i do? He won't say anything to them and if i do he gets really mad at me but, we have to see them all the time because he is so close to them. I see MIL at least twice a week. What do i do?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:35 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I am going through the same thing you are. At one point I had to kick his ass out the house, that helped my situation out a little bit. But at times his family is right and I am wrong. Hope everything works out.

    Answer by nicjon at 12:38 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • its so frustrating...the thing is that i made a HUGE mistake (financially) and they bailed us out so dh feel like we owe them so much that i need to leave everything alone but i think that I made a mistake when it came to ONE aspect of our lives (finances) that doesn't give them the right to treat me like crap and pick on everything i do!!!


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:44 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • he should always have YOUR back & defend you. & until he does..they will keep disagreeing with you, knowing that He is not going to say anything to stop them or defend you!! basically they are following his lead..they are only going to respect u as much as he does. & if he is not standing up for you, then he is not respecting u as much as a husband should. if u cant depend on your husband to defend u, then who can u depend on. tell him that! & if he dosen change, tell him u dont feel comfortable being around his family so much where u have basically noone on your side! spend time with your family if u have close family. y do u guys just have to be around his fam so much?? u need someone in your corner.i am super close to my mom

    Answer by hellokitty1978 at 12:46 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I am sorry you are going through this. I think ideally there would be a happy medium, your dh shouldn't have to choose. I wouldn't back my dh up with my family even if he was wrong. And I wouldn't expect him to do that for me either.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 1:12 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I get what you are saying JackieGirl but I think there is a way to back me up and not agree with me like saying "look I don't agree with her on this but you hurt her and you can't treat my wife that way" ya know?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:22 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • That's the most hurting feeling in the world to know that your spouse wont take up for you. My 1st husband wouldn't work so his family would help us out,therefore, they told us we had to let his brother stay with us,he did drugs and stole from me since i was the only one working. When i would tell him his brother was stealing from me, he would snap off on me. That's when i lost all respect and didn't care what i did to my husband. Disrespected him,cheated on him, everything.I am not proud of it,but once you feel no ones on your side, you do anything just to make YOU happy. That's why now i am so adament that my husband now stands by me or our house is in an uproar. GOD is 1st in my home,but spouse and children are next. It's up to your hubby to put you guys before his family or you're gonna have so many problems. HE HAS TO TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT, OTHERWISE HIS FAMILY WONT EITHER.

    Answer by mrs2323 at 1:31 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • You should always come first, and if I were in your situation I would say it is me and the kids or them.

    Answer by truealaskanmom at 4:31 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.