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2 Bumps

Relationship with also-pregnant older sister

My sister who is 10 years older than me is also pregnant with her first child, also due in the same month, is 2 weeks ahead of me. She refused to talk to me about baby names on several occasions, and when my husband and I chose a girls name she got irate b/c that apparently was the name she wanted. We were supposed to have a joint baby shower put on by our sisters, but after the baby name fiasco she really wants nothing to do with a joint shower. She announced over FB her baby name pick, and made a post about the shower her sisters are putting on for her (but not us ) the 'comporomise' to a joint shower now has been that our family will show up 30 mins before HER shower so that we can have a joint family only shower and then the show reverts to her only so she can have friends/co-workers there. How can I let her know how hurtful her actions have been without also hurting our other sister's feelings who is doing the shower?

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Jessie S.

Asked by Jessie S. at 3:57 AM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 4 (46 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Dang. I'm guessing your sister is having a bit too much hormones right now. She's out of line and selfish if you ask me. I wouldn't want my shower with her if she's acting that way. See if you can get yours moved to the following week or something. You shouldn't have to be second best at the shower or anything because of her! You didn't do anything. She just wants all the attention.
    SweetLoveofMine

    Answer by SweetLoveofMine at 4:10 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • That's kind of how I feel about it too... I don't want to start a family war with the baby name thing (the name in question was our great-grandmother's name) When our sisters offered to do the joint baby shower it was 1) convenient and cheaper than doing two and 2) more convenient for family who would have to travel to come and for grandparents, great grandparents etc. My also-pregnant sister really wants her own shower with family and friends, whereas I would just like family to come since I live in a different part of the state and my friends are throwing me a local shower so they can go. I can't really request a seperate shower out of financial concerns for the sister that is paying for it and I don't want to hurt her feelings by turning the shower down entirely but this 30 minutes beforehand shower just feels like a slap in the face instead of a real compromise
    Jessie S.

    Comment by Jessie S. (original poster) at 4:25 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I would feel the same way, like it's a slap in the face.  My first answer was to schedule yours to a later date but I understand why that isn't possible.  No, I wouldn't say anything to her as of yet just because you both are pregnant and have the hormones to go a long with it.  On the other hand, she is being openly selfish by wanting a seperate shower and since she's not getting it, is taking time away from yours.  If you decide to say anything, I would just say that she has hurt your feelings and explain why.  :)

    MrsHouston47302

    Answer by MrsHouston47302 at 5:02 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • She must be having major hormone problems. Was she ever this way before she got preg? I think I would go to the shower at the regular time. If she wants to open some of her gifts first..let her. You could sit back and enjoy your family and friends while she is doing it. The presents won't be going anywhere and you could still have a good time. Maybe she is just having a rougher time with her pregnancy than you all know. As far as the name, Idk.
    Alamama

    Answer by Alamama at 8:15 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I'm not sure what to do on the baby name front either, My husband and I chose a girls name that would honor both my great grandmother, and his grandmother - but when my sister found out I got laid into about it. (did I ask great-grandma if I could use her name 15 years ago?? no... I was 11 and didn't care at the time) I tried talking to her about baby names twice after I found out I was also pregnant, she said 'you shouldn't tell people what baby names you want, they might try to steal them' which was an odd comment to make, I thought. After she found out that our plan was to use a name she wanted to use, she announced on FB the (same first) name they had chosen since they know it's a girl. i'm not a mind reader... and she refused to talk to me about baby names. So now I'm going to look wierd to family for naming my kid the same name if it's a girl? We're not planning on finding out the gender until baby gets here!
    hippomom1919

    Answer by hippomom1919 at 12:58 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • ^ I was having problems with the facebook login so I made an actual account. This is still the original poster.
    hippomom1919

    Answer by hippomom1919 at 12:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • There are certain circumstances that I am sure are influencing her behavior, This is her first baby also, and she's 10 years older than me, and has been married for over 10 years, has been trying to get pregnant for the last three years and due to certain complications had to go the in-vitro route which was expensive and had one miscarraige before this successful pregnancy. I recognize that she may be feeling that, because of all that they have been through to get pregnant in the first place, she has every right to do things however she sees fit to do them.
    She's really making me feel like a third wheel - getting pregnant right on her heels (I didn't even know I was pregnant for over a month after she found out her in-vitro went well) I think she's feeling defensive. I do want to have a good relationship with her, I love my sister, I just don't know how to handle this behavior.
    hippomom1919

    Answer by hippomom1919 at 1:06 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Wow that is crazy!!
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 6:19 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

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