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3 Bumps

Have to stay strong and stick to my decision ....

My husband and I recently split up. He didn't contact me for 8 days, which means he didn't contact his oldest son. yesterday he left a vm for his son. And some txt messgaes to me about things that will need taken care of. Anyways, late last night he finally gets on facebook and writes something to the efect of his life is falling apart, bad things happen for a reason but it doesn't take the bleeding away. I feel terrible for my babies, esp the 2yr old. My husband has been 1000 miles away for 2 months, but it's still hard on our son. However he made his choice to blow a few thousand dollars in a months time on clubs, strip joints, restaurants, clothing (which is the last thing he needed) and who knows what else. That was our money to move, and he has a history of financial irresponsibility AND lying about where the money is going AND lying about things in general. So I said I'm done.
How do you push through the emotions, like I am sad for him, but I am done with this marriage....too many other issues as well. My empathy always clouds my better judgement and I need to work on that. I see why divorce is truely like a death.

 
2BlondeBabies

Asked by 2BlondeBabies at 8:18 AM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 25 (23,069 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • I would go through with the divorce and I agree with you about the whole live together thing.
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 5:48 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • it is like a death
    many steps to go through before healing (and the hard steps are lhealing in them selves)
    when your heart trys to takeover your thoughts, stop and use your head
    your heart is putting plenty in already, no need to TRY and think with heart, need to try to stop heart and think with head
    this does not mean ignore your heart, the heart is putting way too much into the thoughts as it is

    think with your head
    and
    think back to another tough time in your past, remeber the pain, now remember that you are over that, you were strong, and you will be strong enough to get through this too
    think about how things will be in 6 months or a year from now, little things nothing huge-you do not have your life planned out that far-but little things that make you happy, what you will not have to put up with-this makes you happy

    if you know it is over-then it is-think of your future
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 8:47 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • U know ur situation better than anyone.. If u feel its time to leave than go & stay strong to ur word. Its natural to feel sadness for your husband bcus ur human. That doesnt mean u need to take him back. Go w/ ur gut.. What didi ur first mind tell u to do. In times like this we need to let our mind lead us & not our heart. Like they say "study long, study wrong". Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
    tiamesmer

    Answer by tiamesmer at 8:37 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I really think your husband needs counseling for his problem with money. Have you thought of seeing some one for your self??? Most states make you take parenting classes if you plan to divorce and have kids involved, and i think there might even be a waiting period maybe or something on the divorce maybe or maybe not.. just remember that what ever you decide that it has to best for the kids not really what is best for you, because kids should always come first.
    mrssundin

    Answer by mrssundin at 8:54 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Your situation sounds eerily similar to mine, minus the clubs. My husband is also a compulsive liar and spender and I too have said I am finally done. But he asked if I'd stay if he went to counseling. I have given him a week to find a therapist and get a session under his belt. I don't fully know what your husband has done, but if he hasn't cheated then I think the marriage can be saved if he puts in the effort.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • have you tried couple's counseling? i would try that first before ending the marriage. my husband cheated on me emotionally numerous times the first year we were married and did countless other things of betrayal. we fixed our issues and are about to celebrate our 2nd anniversary. granted it hasn't been long since the infidelities but im glad we stayed together, he is my other half. i understand your emotional pain from his lying to you, and i can fully understand you being upset and wanting out. but i would always suggest counseling before divorce. atleast you would have your piece of mind that you did try to fix it, you didn't give up. financial irresponsibility can be fixed. sorry that you're dealing with this and i hope it all works out the way you want it too. GL *hugs*
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 8:27 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I have told him time and time again he needs counseling, but he refused to go, saying it would reflect poorly on his status as an officer in the army. I know I need counseling to get through it.....I am a mental health counselor as it is. So I understand a lot more about it than I am telling/listening myself LOL
    And IMO getting lap dances and throwing money at strippers is cheating....particularily when having done it several times. Once, I could get passed, but every weekend for a month that I can see in black and white on paper from the checking acct. It makes me sick.

    And sorry, I don't agree that is has to be best for the kids, because being in a home where the parents don't act loving toward one another, or affectionate....only causes problems down the road. And to "live together" for the kids, just to have it end later on is even more devistating for the kids, as they are older and have more emotional problems then.
    2BlondeBabies

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 9:44 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • you need to talk with a councler to work onthis with your kids its really hard for them because they think that its their faught and it wont make a difference if you tell them its not get them someone they can talk with fast they are really hurting I watched my happy grandchild turn into a very depressed child
    MOMAKAY445

    Answer by MOMAKAY445 at 10:49 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • My kids are 1 and 2. And my husband has been gone about 9 months out of the last 12. 6 months ago it started to affect my 2 yr old. THe baby knows no different. When my son began to realize dad's here, then gone....for extended periods of time, small problems began to arrise. My husband left 2 months ago for work, and blew all the money for the move. It's not like one day dad was just gone, he has been away for work for a lot of the babies lives. It sucked but it was our choice and the military way.
    2BlondeBabies

    Comment by 2BlondeBabies (original poster) at 11:09 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

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