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is it unfair to ask MIL for babysitting favors when the favor is only for me?

i think i have come to realize that my mil will only babysit when my husband asks AND when it's for his benefit too. the reason i think this is, the both of us went out saturday night for like the first time in ever, my mom had our older two children and she watched the baby. he asked her to, and she said yes. i ended up running into one of my best friends at the bar, and he invited me to go with him to this parade we have in our town every year called Gasparilla. my mom always has killer hours at the end of the month and works til 5 saturday. so when i picked up the baby on sunday, i asked her and she flat out said no. i just shrugged it off and thanked her for babysitting the previous night. but the friend i ran into, said his mom would watch the baby for me, so now i would only have to figure out the older two. (ive known his mom for 10 years so i trust her, actually the friend im speaking of is the children's godfather) anyway my husband has to work til 3 that day and the parade starts at 1. MIL knows he's working. i told her this morning about my friend's mom offering to watch the little one and would she mind watching the other two, and i havent heard back yet. i have a strong feeling the answer would still be no. but i know in my heart of hearts if hubby was off that day, she would babysit all 3 of them because he would be going.

i got to thinking if i am in the wrong here. if i should only ask her for babysitting favors when hubby can be involved. my mom has watched all 3 in the past when hubby and i had to go out of town for his court-related business, but maybe she is just a nice person who loves her grandchildren and would use any excuse to spend time with them, unlike MIL who is always just "obligated to". MIL lives 5 minutes away and sees them less than my mom who lives 20 minutes away.

i do not ask for babysitting often, as a mom of 3 i rarely have the energy to even do anything these days. and i have tried to include MIL in all kinds of things non-babysitting related and she never wants to. so.. is it only fair to ask if hubby is involved?


Asked by tnm786 at 9:44 AM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 43 (159,608 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • i don't know about 'fair', but it seems you already know how she'll respond, so i'd say its safe to say fairness has no play in this game. idk least you can get her to babysit sometimes (even if its ''only when he asks''). my MIL/parents living same distance as yours, i could ask my mom, who is 83, to do it, and she'd fall over with excitement..which is why i hardly ever do. (of course, now we live 4 1/2hrs away from both sets). my MIL, who is only 72, and has her head up my SIL/family's butt so far she can't breathe, can't even find the time in an emergency situation, to watch our ds for just a few hours, til one of us got off work.
    so yeah..idk what to tell ya..other than be thankful you get her 'part of the time', rather than none.

    Answer by dullscissors at 9:49 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • why not take the kids to the parade with you? supposed to be fabulous weather!

    Answer by itzmyzoo at 9:49 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • No, I don't think that's unfair. They are HER grandchildren, and when you married her son you became part of her family. Her willingness to babysit shouldn't have any basis on which of you is asking, that is biased and very unfair. If you ever happen to directly catch her in a position where she is willing to do for her son and not for you, I would take the opportunity to ask (calmy, of course) why it is she chooses to behave that way?

    Answer by wildsun at 9:50 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • i'd find another babysitter you can depend on. im thinking his mom might not mind watching the kids if its for work or important things but she does not want to be your "social" babysitter. nothing wrong with that.

    Answer by lillie70 at 9:56 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I can see where you'd be troubled by the action of your MIL. A day with a friend doesn't mean your cheating on your hubby and that parade really isn't child appropriate so don't blame you there for not wanting to take them. I guess your will just have to ask her when hubby is going or not at all. Actually I'd choose the latter......good luck hon


    Answer by zbee at 10:00 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • i think you need to start looking in to maybe highschool/collage kids who need extra money to keep on call in these cases......i myself have teen daughter and she loves to babysit.......

    Answer by cara124 at 10:15 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Have you asked your MIL why she won't babysit? There are a million questions I want to ask, however, none of them would seem appropriate and I don't want anyone thinking that I'm judging here. Maybe she's busy, or maybe she doesn't understand why you can't take the kids with you. Does her "morals" conflict with this parade (just wondered my grandmother would kill me if she even thought I went to something like that lol)...It could be that she is just busy. So try something one day, and call her up and tell her you were thinking about getting together with the gals (don't lie, actually see if your gals want to get together that day) and see if your reception is better. She may feel that you don't need to go out without your husband, remember hun, sometimes our in laws can judge us more harshly than anyone else. There isn't a lot of details so of course I'm just grasping at straws...does she tell you no everytime you ask her?

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 10:21 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Is the problem actually her not watching them for you, or her not watching them so you can go with another man, while her son is at work. Godfather or not, it may have nothing to do with you but what she believes is appropriate and what is not.

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 9:48 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • this is not a kid-friendly parade, first of all. the children's parade was this past weekend. this parade, is geared toward adults and some of the women can get a little bead-crazy by showing their tits.

    second, the guy is a mutual friend of hubby's and mine. we've all known eachother since we were 14. and my friend is gay. soo.. i highly doubt there is a jealousy issue.

    Comment by tnm786 (original poster) at 9:52 AM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • There is no teenager you can pay to watch your kids? I live 4.5 hours from our nearest relative. We have our teenage son to watch his brother when we go out....... It could very well be she won't watch them cause he is not going. But that is what happens. No need to get all bent out of shape over it. Tell her nevermind and find someone else or not go. I think it is wise to always have a back up babysitter. Someone you can count on because you Pay them.

    Answer by eluc at 9:57 AM on Jan. 25, 2011