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is attraction to other men while you're married (especially when you're in a rough patch) normal, or a sign of a deeper issue?

i met this guy a year ago, my friend brought him over to a party my husband and i were having and lately, whenever i hang out with him i feel attracted to him. i would never jump into bed with the guy and i don't think ive over-stepped my boundaries with him or anything, but there is something there but i think its more something ive dreamed up in my head than something that is real. my husband has been treating me badly for a while now (not abusive, but not kind either) and with this guy i am able to laugh with, have fun with, and feel like i exist. i know things will get better with my husband, we are beginning couple's therapy soon. and maybe it would be better if i stopped hanging out with the guy, because i do feel attracted to him and whenever i go out, i find myself hoping he will be there too. just wondering if this is normal to feel this way or a sign that maybe the inital romance i used to have with my husband might never be the same and maybe if therapy doesn't work i should move on.


Asked by Anonymous at 12:18 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Could b lust, temptation or you may just want something new now if it's true love it's just your hormones working on you make sure you think this true and yes it is normal. Your not dead you know ;).

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 12:20 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • i dont think its a sign of a deeper issue, its called window shopping and i think its normal to find other people attractive, its not like once you become married you have to stop being human

    Answer by pookipoo at 12:21 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • when your partner is treating you not kindly
    or course a friend who you can laugh with may start to turn to thoughts of more
    i say, keep some distance until you go to therapy and give it your all

    and remember the grass sometimes looks greener on the other side of the fence because it is growing on top of a spectic field
    you do not know what a future with the friend would be, or another other man, work on your marriage
    to give it the fairest shot possible, create some distance from the man who makes you laugh and day dream of things that are not real

    just my opinion

    Answer by fiatpax at 12:22 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • You're married, not dead. Attraction is completely normal, it doesn't mean you don't love your partner, it just means you have hormones... However there is a difference between attraction and action...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 12:25 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • attention is what hes giving you and what woman doesnt like that??

    Answer by sandjmom99 at 12:28 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • It would not be normal for me, and if I found myself having those kinds of feelings, the very first thing I would do would be to separate myself from any contact with the man. The second thing I would do would be to replace every thought of the other man with one of my husband. Granted, you may have to think back to the way things once were with him or you may have to think forward to how you would like things to be. I will tell you something else, too. It is very possible that your husband has picked up on the fact that you are lusting after another man. Most husbands are highly sensitive to that kind of thing, and he may not even be able to put a name to it, but his instincts tell him that he does not have your heart. Therapy is a great idea, but when you go, be willing to admit that at least part of the problems may be yours. The results will be a whole lot better. Even when things are rough, you can be loyal!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 12:33 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • my hubby has some attractive friends, but im not around them much. if you feel that way you have something or him i would stop hanging out with him and try to rekendle the flame between u and ur hubby if thats what you want

    Answer by april_f at 12:26 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Actually, that is totally normal. If we didn't get crushes, we would not be human. The saying, the grass is always greener on the other side, is so accurate. I think the only time crushes become problems/issues, are when we act on them. Remember this, we can have as much fun in our heads as we want to with that crush without getting into actual problems.

    Answer by m-avi at 12:26 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I agree with Nanny, I don't feel an attraction like that is okay. You should be focused on your husband and fixing whatever is broke within the relationship. It's great to feel wanted, and needed, and attractive when your husband stops making you feel those things, but catching feelings for someone else while married is just like cheating, and to me it's worse than cheating sexually. I'm not saying it's not okay to look at someone and find them cute...but that's where the line is drawn..keep moving. How would you feel if your husband "caught" feelings for someone else and another female made him feel the way you feel when with this other guy. Just saying, put yourself in his shoes. (again this is just my opinion)

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 2:10 PM on Jan. 25, 2011