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4 Bumps

He got her pregnant on purpose

My younger cousin is 16 at is pregnant. Her boyfriend's best friend told her that her boyfriend has been putting holes in the condoms they use with a needle. She asked her boyfriend if it was true, though she thought it wasn't, and he admitted it. He said that he did it because he loves her and he wanted to be able to marry her (he is 17 and in our state you can get married if you are 16 or old if the bride is pregnant). Now, she doesn't now how to feel, she says she loves him but she is upset about what he did. He has proposed, with a ring, and she said yes, but she is worried about it. He graduated at 16, a year ago, and he has a full time job, money would be tight but they could make it. I don't know what to tell her. Her parents can't afford to support her and a baby but I do understand he being worried because of the way she got pregnant. I know she loves him. What should I tell her? (yes she is asking me what to do, this isn't unsolisited advice lol)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • I would tell her to tell him there needs to be a trial period since her trust in him has been completely blown. Perhaps if they can spend a trial period of time living together and see how it goes, if he's trustworthy in all other aspects etc. Also to go on the pill after this baby! I think that they could be okay, I know what he did was horrible and wrong but I think in his mind it was a good thing and meant they could be together forever. Misguided, yes, and potentially harmful but I don't believe it means they can't make it work.
    leah_rai

    Answer by leah_rai at 1:45 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Any person willing to go to those lengths to deceive another is not someone I would want a loved one marrying.
    twin_mommy

    Answer by twin_mommy at 1:45 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • this man's action is the defintion of CONTROL
    and a man who controls his woman/partner is abusive
    this girl and you if you live close should go to an abuse center and speak to professional who deal with this issue
    control of another is the first sign and the root of abusive relationships
    please seek some counciling for her before she marrys this man
    holes in condom! next it will be keeping her from her friends and family, accusing her of flirting with other men while she goes gorcery shopping, controling what she wears, saying she deserves his bad actions towards her because she did this or that
    etc etc etc
    sounds extremely scary to me!
    beware of this man
    speak to a abuse professional yourself, see if they agree about this distrubing action of this man
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:54 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Sickening. I don't know why she'd want to be with someone who'd do that. I'd never marry someone who was that devious. She's making a big mistake
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 1:47 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • UM yes there is twinmommy, SHE CHOSE TO HAVE SEX!! When you lay down with a man, anything could happen, condom or not.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:48 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Rule #1 of sexual relations: if you are the person who most does not want to have a baby, be the person who takes steps to ensure you get your way (note to men: that means wrapping that puppy even if she *says* she's on the pill).

    Rule #2 of sexual relations: all methods of birth control can fail, if that's not okay with you to have to deal with, ABSTAIN (something about this makes me want to add: you dense yet fertile moron.)

    She's pregnant. She needs to deal with that --however she wants to. Including, if she's a rational human, dumping the control freak she's hooked up with.

    Who wants to be married to someone who is that devious? What great relationship can stand on that shady foundation?
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 2:11 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • He is a manipulative, controlling, piece of crap that will probably just get worse over time. She needs to run. People don't lie and sabotage another's life (which giving them a child that they are not ready for is) for love. They do it because they are insecure and will do anything to get their way.
    TaraK.

    Answer by TaraK. at 1:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Yes, but there is accountability on her side as well. There are risks to having sex, BC or not! A 16 year old isn't equipped to reap the repurcussions. She chose to have sex, so she is partially responsible. I hope they can get jobs and take care of their baby. I really do.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:44 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • She needs to decide whether SHE loves him and wants to spend the rest of her life with him and SHE needs to decide if SHE thinks that their marriage will be successful...(Even if the baby wasn't on it's way...) This is NOT about the baby.. this is about whether they should be together and SHE has every right to say no. He will always be a father to her child whether or not she marries him and it would be tough even as a single teenage mom... but it is going to be bad for everybody involved if she doesn't want to marry him but does anyhow because she feels forced.... She also needs to know that counting on a condom is not smart and if she wants to avoid becoming pregnant in the future she should not have sex, period.
    momofonelilguy

    Answer by momofonelilguy at 1:49 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I would not marry the sick SOB
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 1:50 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

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