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4 Bumps

What would you do in my situation?

My dh and I have had a few arguments about our finances. He makes good money and we still live check to check because we are paying for bills someone else should be paying. For example, a couple of years ago my MIL ask my dh to get her a loan to pay off her mortage and some other bills. He did, he got her a $15,000 loan under his name but she hasnt been paying, so now we are stuck with a $400+ monthly payment. My dh has talk to her about it couple of times and her response has been "I dont have the money Ill pay when I can" and we havent heard from her since. (She said this back in Feb of 2010) My dh wont talk to my MIL about because he believes that if you lend people money they should be responsible to pay it back with out them being told. True, but now we are stuck with her loan. To add to that his 23 yr old daughter was given $8000 to buy a car and she decided to buy a car over that amount and told us she would be responsible for the car payment. Well the payments were late and since the car is under my dh name he starts to get calls and guess what? we are stuck with her $150 monthly car payment not including that we pay for her car insurance, his 19 yr old sons car insurance, cell phone bills and we just got a $900 dental bill from his daugter and a $300 speeding ticket from his son. I dont make alot of money specially now that we have a 21 month old and a 10 month old but its enough to pay for my "car payment", insurance and some of our bills and to take the kids out at least to eat once a week. I lost my car because my dh needed the money for bills. My car payments were late or half payments were made. His truck and his daughter car payment are always on time. I feel like my needs and my bills are last on his list. I dont have a car now and i feel bad because I dont have money to take my kids out anywhere. What should I do?

 
morenarfr05

Asked by morenarfr05 at 1:48 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 9 (317 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • I won't tell you what you should do hun, but I'll tell you what I would do.
    First, I wouldn't worry about taking my little ones out, they are to young for it anyway, and there are plenty of free things to do with them.
    Anyone over the age of 18 would be paying there own bills, or their vehicles would be sold. (Unless they are still in high school, then they can drive the family car with permission when I'm not using it) My mother in law would die before she asked my hubby to loan her money, or get a loan in his name. Not to mention if her credit was that bad to begin with it would have told us not to do it. What would I do ....I would stop giving the money I work for to anyone other than my immediate family, and then it would be for needs and not wants. I have learned to Simplify, and to change the things I worry about, and not worry about the things I can't change....Good Luck to you.
    kitchenwitch78

    Answer by kitchenwitch78 at 1:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I only have a little bit of advice and that is don't lend money out that you can't afford to pay back. Unfortunately your husband's family seems to be taking advantage of him and since the loans are in his name it's either pay or ruin your credit. Good luck.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 1:54 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • WOW! your DH is generous! Ever think that since he has the car in his name that he should just sell it then you would be down two bills for that car and insurance...as for his sons speeding ticket and a cell phone....tell him to get a job! Your Dh and thus you are enabling a lot of people ...time to show some tough love and have people start paying their own bills...after all having a car and a cell phone among other things are a PRIVILIDGE not a need!
    rebeccadac

    Answer by rebeccadac at 1:55 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Learn to say "No."
    diamondsarecool

    Answer by diamondsarecool at 1:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Get a time machine, and then follow this advice:

    Never loan money you can't afford to lose.

    Barring that, suck it up, get a consolidation loan to lower your payments and don't loan any more money you can't afford to lose to anyone, no matter who they are. There is a reason the bank won't loan to them, don't you think?

    Sell some of the stuff you own that you don't use or don't love that has value: capitalize on the stuff you have already got, and pay down the debt over and above the minimum monthly payment.

    Stop paying for other people's folly: you didn't get a speeding ticket, that's 100% not your problem --no one EVER has to get a speeding ticket, and people who can't afford them need to modify their driving habits, period. Maybe making a $200-or-you-can't-drive payment he can barely afford will help him decide for himself?

    Eleanor Roosvelt is right: no one can take advantage of you without your assistance.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:54 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • i hate money problems....... i think the best thing for you to do with your DH is ask him one night soon to go over the bills with you. make a list of all the bills you have and then after, look over it and ask him if there is a way to eliminate some of those bills. Tell him there has to be a time when you both think about just the two of you. your going to have to start saving for retirement someday and that needs to be today. , doesnt he want to grow old with you? well,,,, if he does then tell him he's gonna have to help make that happen
    mistik75

    Answer by mistik75 at 1:55 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Thank you all and God bless you for all your advice
    morenarfr05

    Comment by morenarfr05 (original poster) at 2:03 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Stop paying for your daughters car insurance. Stop paying for your sons insurance. DO NOT pay for his ticket. Sit down with your MIL and work out a payment schedule. STOP PAYING FOR EVERYONE ELSES CRAP AND THERE WILL BE MONEY FOR YOURS
    LizzieAnnesMom

    Answer by LizzieAnnesMom at 2:05 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • learn to say no
    but first ask your husband if i can have a loan on a new car-lol
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 2:07 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • You need to talk to your DH and tell him things HAVE to change or else! You and your kids should not have to suffer and do without because of his deadbeat family! Your DH needs to speak up and tell them they had better start taking responsibility and paying him back or he will take them to court. I would also tell them the gravy trains stops now no more handouts, no more free rides! If they can't/won't pay on the car loan- have the car repossesed and sold. As for cell phones- terminate service, and dental bills tell the dentist to make payment arrangements with the daughter. As for the speeding ticket- the son did the crime, he should be held accountable and either pay the fine, or do the time!
    It might also be a good idea for you to put your money in your own bank account and use that for your bills and your kids.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:15 PM on Jan. 25, 2011