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what did i do wrong?

my father thinks I am being his "boss" but i am not trying to control him. Dr talked to me and asked me to go there to talk about dad going to nursing home for a week to get low blood pressure under control. i went with my daughter to office. i told him everything the dr said. he screamed, shook his middle finger at me, swore in front of my daughter. He made my daughter cry alot, then i cried because she was upset with him and he definately scared her. i asked if there was security help and we left and went into foyer. they took dad in exam room to chill. thinking it was fine, went to exam room enable to talk to dr, etc. wth dad. he looked right at me and told the nurse" i don't want to see her. she can take her kid and go home." i told him never to act like that in front of my kid. you made her cry and scared her. " don't know what he mubled, i said"you heard me>' we left office. my brother took him to manor care, no problems at all. what the heck. I was there to help as his daughter then it back fires on me?? go figure.

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diamondsarecool

Asked by diamondsarecool at 1:54 PM on Jan. 25, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,942 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • People who are scared and disoriented don't always deal with it like they're balanced and calm. Go figure.
    LindaClement

    Answer by LindaClement at 1:56 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • The doctor should have handled it and not pulled you in to it. Now dad probably thinks it was your idea to "have him put away". That's how old folks see it. Perhaps you should not have taken your daughter or you could have left her in the waiting room if she's old enough to stay there alone.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:57 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Sometimes as people get older and start to lose their independence they take it out on those they love. Since you were the one helping with the arrangements, he probably felt like you were trying to control him. I wouldn't necessarily take it personally. I imagine getting older and having to rely on others is a difficult adjustment. Try to be patient with him.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 1:59 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Your daughter shouldn't have been there. But aside from that, you were a case of killing the messenger. He was shocked and scared and lashed out at you because you brought him news that shocked and scared him. After he had time to settle down and consider it, he must have decided it made sense after all since he went quietly. But now he has the issue with being embarrassed and blowing up unjustly at you. Your best bet is to be very patient and let the upset go, being very cautious even so, since you know he can blow up.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:02 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • i had no choice but to bring my daughter with me. she can't stay home alone (10)yr. I had no one available to watch her. ususally he kept himself calm around grandkids, except that day, unfortunately. lol He already knew what the possible ordeal was. hospital had no openings. no opening where he wanted to go. he can't be alone. he knows it was the dr. suggestions. i didn't sign any paperwork. he knows that. i think he flipped because I agree with dr desions of him not driving, needing help etc. everytime he stand up he gets dizzy, he falls. his blood pressure is too low. he has to be monitored by a dr. all i did is tell him what the dr told me. no different info than he already knew. i know he was scared and worried. his health is not good. he has diabetis,cholesterol problems,kidney problems, had TIA, was addmitted in hospital before twice in less than 2 weeks. I believe he owes my daughter and myself an apology.
    diamondsarecool

    Comment by diamondsarecool (original poster) at 2:22 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • my kids are scare of him. they don't want to see him or talk to him. he is the only grandfather they have. now what?
    diamondsarecool

    Comment by diamondsarecool (original poster) at 2:26 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • Sounds like he is just having a hard time coming to terms with his illnesses as they have gotten worse.Nobody wants to lose their driving privledges even when they shouldn't be on the roads.It alot for him to have to face.He doesn't want to face it..it's normal..give him a bit of time.He just lashed out at you because he was upset and you were there.GL hun hope his health improves.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 2:33 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • i miss him, love him but he doesn't see things that way. I tell him I love him, so do our other relatives. I'm scared but yet feel obligated to go see him at the nursing home. Kids don't want to go. wondering if I should wait for him to call me , i highly doubt he will apologize. he's very stubborn and bull-headed. Dr. called me because i'm his emergency contact. I feel I was only trying to be responsible.
    diamondsarecool

    Comment by diamondsarecool (original poster) at 2:34 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I would visit him at the home myself for a while..then maybe later on bring the kids along.
    tnmomofive

    Answer by tnmomofive at 2:38 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

  • I don't think you should be upset with him as people get older they feel like they loosing their independence and your dad probably feel like he won't get the best care in the nursing room, like sharing a room with a completely stranger having strange people giving him care. you should be more understanding. if Medicare is able to pay for it try to get him him a private nurse and see how it works out.
    soraya14

    Answer by soraya14 at 5:26 PM on Jan. 25, 2011

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